How I do it?

I know there is a lot of people asking how I do it and remain so positive. Let me just say in the beginning its so hard because in the BLM community you know everything there is to know about what can go wrong from miscarriage, to ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy etc...it scares the hell out of you, so not only do you worry about having/getting PE you worry that everyone else's story will quickly become yours. The first 20 weeks were hard especially since I get some pretty brutal all day sickness. Which makes a miserable pregnant Laura for a while.

Then comes the worry that you will get PE or have a second trimester loss (because lets face it it happened to me before, again there is no magical ticket that says it wont again...I am not and will never be that naive)

Then comes the third trimester, it gets easier because you know at this point baby has a good chance of survival. At 26 weeks and beyond it can be as high at 90%, of course depending on the situation. However in the back of your mind, its still surreal, there are still many many stories of many many women who have lost in the third trimester or even at term for numerous different reasons, and of course that runs through your head daily.

Well here is how I have dealt with this pregnancy, after a loss and after a battle for my own life. 

Honestly, I think that if Cara would have lived through what happened last time I am not sure if I would be able to do it again, in fear of losing my life and then leaving her alone.  BUT since I have nothing to really lose and all to gain at this point I did try again. Its scary, but honestly I am my own advocate. Telling my doctors, I will be seen weekly. Not asking.

Another thing that helps? It is all a huge crap shoot. There is NOTHING that will treat/prevent. Not to mention I know women who have no underlying conditions that went on to get PE and HELLP again, on the other hand I know women (myself included) that have underlying conditions with no signs of PE. I truly can say I believe that it is all up to how the placenta implants its self. Plus just because your free of PE does not mean your going to have a fantastical pregnancy with no worries...there are all the other reasons that we know many BLM's have experienced that float through our brains daily when it comes to reasons of losing a child. PE is one of millions...billions...ugh.

There is never a 100% chance of getting it again. It is typially 25-30% so just think you have a 70% of not getting it again...AND if women do, its typically much later, or milder. So thats a plus. I looked at it and my plus's outweighed the minus's. Good Doctors, Being able to cut hours at work and rest as much as possible. Weekly Appointments at 26 weeks. Lovenox (not proven to help, but not proven to hurt either).

I never ever in a million years would have thought I would make it to 30 weeks + with not even a trip to L&D. Its a blessing. 

Another thing I did was get tested for everything under the sun. I emptied out my savings, and credit card loaded it up to make sure I got Cardiology testing, and blood work monthly until everything was peachy keen!

I hope this helps someone out there to try again... once your pregnant...there is no turning back, so your forced to take it day by day and every day that baby is inside of you safe is a day to rejoice!

30 week growth scan

Carter is weighing in at 4 lbs 2 oz and in the 77% percentile. My BP is great! We are still on board for doing an amnio at 37 weeks and delivering providing mature lungs. I have gained a total of 26 lbs so far, no swelling, NO signs of PE. (With PE you are never out of the woods until 6 weeks PP...but hey 30 weeks with no signs is a start right?) WOOO!  That means 7 more weeks. Wow! Now I am starting to get excited! Grow baby Grow!

Belly Shots

 

Baby Shower

Today was my shower! I had so much fun and got so many gifts! I am very fortunate to all my friends and family who came and showered me with love and gifts!


I got one gift that stood out.

This is me reading it...cried

 

This is what it said 

 

Last I would like to leave you with some pictures for comparison. 

This pictures was taken one day before my emergency doctors appointment.  I believe I was 28 weeks

 This was me 29 weeks at my shower for Cara 

 

This is me today at 29+6

These pictures shock me, make me sad and happy all in one. I am sad that my swollen-ness was overlooked...I am happy that I am not swollen this time. Bittersweet. Then again isnt everything?