So I am reading the book Still by Stephanie Cole. Its amazing. It pinpoints exactly what I went/am going through. I wish everyone who knows me who is not a BLM would read it. One day I would love to turn this blog into a book for other BLM to read...one day...
Anyway I wanted to share some of the excerpts from the book...
"People will tell you that time heals. Those people are liars. The Pain doesnt go away, you just build up your tolerance to it. It is like lifting weights. If you try to lift 500 pounds, it is going to crush you. But if you lift it every day of your life, it is going to get easier and easier to do, and eventually you are going to lift it without breaking a sweat..."
"Some people say they've looked death in the eye. I've cradled it in my arms, in my body. Given birth to it. Its not scary when its that close."
"The Stephanie who was pregnant and excited to start her new life as a mommy is gone. She died with her daughter. I'm a different person. My life has changed forever and so have I."
The last quote from her book I feel is a good ending to this post and the way I know all of us feel.
"I dont think most people truly understand how much is lost when a baby dies. You dont just lose a baby, you also lose the 1 and 2 and 10 and 16 year old she would have become. You lose christmas mornings and loose teeth and first days of school. You just lose it all"
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Dealing with the reality of changing relationships after your child dies.
Written by Kristi Sagrillo
A wise gardener once told me that if you want a beautiful garden to grow you must weed it from time to time. Weeding for any gardener, whether it’s a small flower pot on the front porch or a gorgeous flower garden in the backyard is an assumed task and occasionally just has to be done. However, if you neglect to prune the weeds they will eventually begin to overcrowd or, worse yet, become invasive and try and take over your entire garden.
After the death of my son, I began to apply this same logic to my own life.
On November 7, 2005 my son Alex was stillborn; I was 37 weeks pregnant with him. He was perfect and healthy, except for the twisted umbilical cord that cut off his oxygen supply. Alex was a beautiful 8 pound 21 inch baby boy. Up until this point in time, my “life garden”, as I will affectionately refer to it, was perfect. Or, so it seemed. But on that date, and from that time forward, everything was different. My life garden had been devastated. There were no more blooming flowers; they had all been drowned by the tears that showered down upon them. Those first few weeks after Alex’s death were very surreal. Nothing mattered any longer. Life had continued to go on around me and I felt like I was helplessly watching a horrible movie unfold before my eyes and I couldn’t find the door to escape.
Soon the weeks turned into months and I had noticed that my life garden had a small number of flowers that had weathered the storm. Of course, the black cloud was ever-present and it still rained sporadically, but it was not raining quite as hard or as long as it did those first few months. My husband and living children were still there, they had always been there I just couldn’t see them until the rain had subsided. And new flowers began to sprout up - flowers that I had never planted or maybe never noticed before. These new friends and past acquaintances were now offering me their genuine love and support and would become the flower border surrounding my life garden. The support they gave me and continue to give me is cherished, now and forever.
As my garden began to slowly grow back, so did the weeds. At first I didn’t have the energy or the strength to pick them so I just ignored them. But eventually they were beginning to suck the life right out of me. I was struggling with how to cope after the death of my son as well as what it meant to me and how his death would define me forever. There were family members and numerous friends (too many to count) that could not or would not grant me the space or the respect to figure this out. I did not understand why they could not offer me their support, after all they were there for me in the past, right? They had been there before when I needed them, what was so different this time?
It was the death of my child that was different. I had changed overnight but they had not. I was not that same person any longer and they wanted the “old” me back. They wanted everything to go back to “normal”. But this was the new me and my life had taken a different path and this was a journey they did not want to take with me. My grief had suddenly shifted from grief for my son to anger towards them and I was going down a very dangerous road. I had veered off my path of grief and was headed down the winding road of hate and rage. My world was spinning out of control and I needed to reclaim it. I realized that my focus needed to be on my son if I was going to move through this grief process in a healthy way. It would have been very easy to shut out everyone. But what I needed to do was to remove any outside forces that were preventing me from my journey.
So began the weeding process. There were the co-workers who would avoid me if they saw me coming their way as if they could “catch” my bad luck like the common cold. On the outside they looked like flowers, but it quickly became apparent that they were indeed weeds. They would be easily plucked from my garden because their roots did not go very deep. It was the weeds that I had ignored for too long that took more energy to pull. Their roots were deep and in some cases were connected to other noxious weeds. Pulling one meant pulling two or more along with it. Those were the seemingly close friends that never called, never offered their support; it was like they disappeared from our life after the memorial service.
But it was the family members that hurt the most. The ones you would expect to be there for you. The verbal attacks and insensitive comments like, “When are you going to move on?”, “Shouldn’t she be over this, it’s been 3 months?”, “She should be grateful she has two living children” (Like one can be swapped out for another!) The last straw for me was when family members questioned my parenting abilities towards my two living children, this only 4 months after Alex’s death. Evidently, I had allowed my children to make faces at the adults and this caused them great pain and disrespect towards them. Hmm…sounds like a great reason to attack my parenting skills.
Initially, the shock of finally removing them from my life stung, but if my garden was going to continue to grow it simply had to be done. I gave myself permission to do this and coupled with that permission was the power I needed to gain control over my life once again.
I continue to weed my garden but it isn’t needed as frequently anymore. I am stronger now and more attentive and am able to pluck any weeds before they even have a chance to touch the soil. I am planting new flowers everyday and watering the ones I have. Every now and again the thunderstorms roll in but I have realized that my garden needs the rain and the sun in order to continue flourishing.
Written by Kristi Sagrillo
A wise gardener once told me that if you want a beautiful garden to grow you must weed it from time to time. Weeding for any gardener, whether it’s a small flower pot on the front porch or a gorgeous flower garden in the backyard is an assumed task and occasionally just has to be done. However, if you neglect to prune the weeds they will eventually begin to overcrowd or, worse yet, become invasive and try and take over your entire garden.
After the death of my son, I began to apply this same logic to my own life.
On November 7, 2005 my son Alex was stillborn; I was 37 weeks pregnant with him. He was perfect and healthy, except for the twisted umbilical cord that cut off his oxygen supply. Alex was a beautiful 8 pound 21 inch baby boy. Up until this point in time, my “life garden”, as I will affectionately refer to it, was perfect. Or, so it seemed. But on that date, and from that time forward, everything was different. My life garden had been devastated. There were no more blooming flowers; they had all been drowned by the tears that showered down upon them. Those first few weeks after Alex’s death were very surreal. Nothing mattered any longer. Life had continued to go on around me and I felt like I was helplessly watching a horrible movie unfold before my eyes and I couldn’t find the door to escape.
Soon the weeks turned into months and I had noticed that my life garden had a small number of flowers that had weathered the storm. Of course, the black cloud was ever-present and it still rained sporadically, but it was not raining quite as hard or as long as it did those first few months. My husband and living children were still there, they had always been there I just couldn’t see them until the rain had subsided. And new flowers began to sprout up - flowers that I had never planted or maybe never noticed before. These new friends and past acquaintances were now offering me their genuine love and support and would become the flower border surrounding my life garden. The support they gave me and continue to give me is cherished, now and forever.
As my garden began to slowly grow back, so did the weeds. At first I didn’t have the energy or the strength to pick them so I just ignored them. But eventually they were beginning to suck the life right out of me. I was struggling with how to cope after the death of my son as well as what it meant to me and how his death would define me forever. There were family members and numerous friends (too many to count) that could not or would not grant me the space or the respect to figure this out. I did not understand why they could not offer me their support, after all they were there for me in the past, right? They had been there before when I needed them, what was so different this time?
It was the death of my child that was different. I had changed overnight but they had not. I was not that same person any longer and they wanted the “old” me back. They wanted everything to go back to “normal”. But this was the new me and my life had taken a different path and this was a journey they did not want to take with me. My grief had suddenly shifted from grief for my son to anger towards them and I was going down a very dangerous road. I had veered off my path of grief and was headed down the winding road of hate and rage. My world was spinning out of control and I needed to reclaim it. I realized that my focus needed to be on my son if I was going to move through this grief process in a healthy way. It would have been very easy to shut out everyone. But what I needed to do was to remove any outside forces that were preventing me from my journey.
So began the weeding process. There were the co-workers who would avoid me if they saw me coming their way as if they could “catch” my bad luck like the common cold. On the outside they looked like flowers, but it quickly became apparent that they were indeed weeds. They would be easily plucked from my garden because their roots did not go very deep. It was the weeds that I had ignored for too long that took more energy to pull. Their roots were deep and in some cases were connected to other noxious weeds. Pulling one meant pulling two or more along with it. Those were the seemingly close friends that never called, never offered their support; it was like they disappeared from our life after the memorial service.
But it was the family members that hurt the most. The ones you would expect to be there for you. The verbal attacks and insensitive comments like, “When are you going to move on?”, “Shouldn’t she be over this, it’s been 3 months?”, “She should be grateful she has two living children” (Like one can be swapped out for another!) The last straw for me was when family members questioned my parenting abilities towards my two living children, this only 4 months after Alex’s death. Evidently, I had allowed my children to make faces at the adults and this caused them great pain and disrespect towards them. Hmm…sounds like a great reason to attack my parenting skills.
Initially, the shock of finally removing them from my life stung, but if my garden was going to continue to grow it simply had to be done. I gave myself permission to do this and coupled with that permission was the power I needed to gain control over my life once again.
I continue to weed my garden but it isn’t needed as frequently anymore. I am stronger now and more attentive and am able to pluck any weeds before they even have a chance to touch the soil. I am planting new flowers everyday and watering the ones I have. Every now and again the thunderstorms roll in but I have realized that my garden needs the rain and the sun in order to continue flourishing.
Kooper Welch
Im so sorry I did not update sooner on Baby Kooper. As most of you know Amy gave birth to Kalli at 27 weeks almost a year ago due to Preeclampsia. Sadly Kalli came and left too soon. Amy just gave birth to Kooper at 28 weeks due to Preeclampsia again. Amy is recovering well and baby Kooper is doing good! Please visit him. He is adorable!
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kooperwelch/photos
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kooperwelch/photos
Lately
Lately im crabby...irritated...annoyed...aggravated...sensitive...I think it all boils down to my first month of TTC. It was way more emotional than I would have ever imagined it to be. I know it was only the first time...Im know im young...I know I have time....blah blah blah...but it still does not make me feel any better about having a BFN! Me being young, and having lots of time has nothing to do with the fact that she is gone. (Abbriviating lingo... BFP: Big fat positive, BFN: Big fat negative, TTC, trying to conceive, BLM: Baby loss mom)
Lately I have let little things get to me and let things bug me that typically never do. I feel like some may feel im "better". I dont know how many times I can say I will never be "better" or back to my old self. This is my new self. You dont like it...sounds like a personal problem. I have also have some people tell me that I handle things very well. I like to hear that, but I dont think thats really the case. I believe that I just handle things differently. I think that im just realistic. I know that I can't bring her back and nothing will ever change what happened. SOOOOO I just need to accept it and try to move forward. If you look the name Cara up in the dictionary I can reassure you that my name is underneath. She defines me. She makes me smile, and she is the reason why I want to move on...for her...she would want that. No ones child in heaven wants to look down on their mother crying every single day.
Lately im getting a little nervous as I get closer and closer to the year mark...I know im not that close yet...but im already past 7 months...(crazy I know.) Im nervous because I dont want anyone to forget. To forget her, or what happened to her...or what I went through, or what I go through every day.
Lately I am missing Charlie. Reason? One week after I lost my daughter not even a week out of being released from the hospital, Charlie had emergency back surgery. When Charlie came home, I took care of him. He was 100% paralyzed from the mid back down. I had to take him outside, change his bed, wipe him down when he lost control of his bowels. I was focused on him. Thank god. Really...otherwise I would have sat there and stared at the wall for 6 weeks. I held Charlie all day long. When I think of him I think of her. When I came home from the hospital, without her, on 3 different medications, My husband and mom had off with me so I did not have to be alone. When everyone went back to work is when Charlie needed his emergency surgery, so I was not alone, because I was so occupied and focused on his survival.I just lost her, I cant loose him... I spent over 6 thousand dollars of desperate measures of saving him. I had three months with him after his surgery, before the end. I just miss him terribly. I never thought I could be so attached to an animal...I guess you would have had to known him.
Here is how I am resolving this. I am not going to be talking about my TTC anymore. (except with possibly one or two people) Its does nothing but get my hopes up or make me anxious...that I do not need. I wont even be blogging about it. I wont be testing until a few days prior, and I will not be announcing right away, I will wait until I hear a first heartbeat.
Right now I need to focus on what makes me happy. That is my dogs, my husband, my family, and my job. Thats it. So I will be redirecting my focus once again, and stop focusing on little things that do not matter.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Answers to your ?'s
I have gotten some questions so lets begin with the answers!
Have you found a support group? - Yes we have. Its called Share...however due to issues that I can't go into detail about, I don't attend anymore. I could if I wanted to I suppose...just a bit uncomfortable, for me, as I can't truly talk about my feelings about Cara's death and everyone's questions at the group as to "Why Preeclampsia was not caught" I always just have to respond "Thats a good question."
We did find it helpful right after our loss, because we were able to know that we were not alone in the cruel world. Now that we are past some of the excruciating grief...we don't find it as helpful. We will be looking into groups called Share Hope...its for having hope of a Rainbow baby after a loss.
Have you been to counseling?- No we have not. I do not want to go at all. The only way I would EVER do counseling is if the person who WAS my counselor went through the loss of a child. I STRONGLY believe that no matter what degree you have or how smart you have you will NEVER understand the loss of a child, unless you have been there. My PTSD is due to my traumatic loss, as well as how sick I was. Maybe im being stubborn...but I feel like I am doing great without help. My good days outweigh the bad...so thats how I know I am ok. So this is my therapy and man has it helped!
How did you and Kyle meet?- We met at college. I attended for a semester and Kyle was there for a year. I am a people person and was walking the halls saying hi to people with my roommate, when I walked into Kyles room and said "Hi Im Laura" That was it :) After that he would not leave me alone hehe :)That was 2002, we have been together ever since.
What do and your husband do for work?- I am a hairstylist at a Aveda Lifestyle salon and I love my job so much, I can't ever imagine not working as a stylist. My husband is the hardest worker I know. He is a head Mechanic and Manager.
When you get pregnant, what is your new doctor going to do differently this time around? Will she have you take baby aspirin or blood pressure medicine? Will she put you on bed rest if your BP starts rising? Will she do ultrasounds and stress tests more frequently? Will she have you check your BP every day? Next time around I will be seen more frequently. I am on baby asprin...however I am not cronic hypertensive so I will not be on Bp meds UNLESS my BP gets high, then I will more than likely be put on them. Bed Rest is a must if my BP starts to rise. Ultrasounds and NST tests will be done way more frequently as of now I am not sure HOW frequently. Yes I also will be checking my BP daily! :)
Have you found a support group? - Yes we have. Its called Share...however due to issues that I can't go into detail about, I don't attend anymore. I could if I wanted to I suppose...just a bit uncomfortable, for me, as I can't truly talk about my feelings about Cara's death and everyone's questions at the group as to "Why Preeclampsia was not caught" I always just have to respond "Thats a good question."
We did find it helpful right after our loss, because we were able to know that we were not alone in the cruel world. Now that we are past some of the excruciating grief...we don't find it as helpful. We will be looking into groups called Share Hope...its for having hope of a Rainbow baby after a loss.
Have you been to counseling?- No we have not. I do not want to go at all. The only way I would EVER do counseling is if the person who WAS my counselor went through the loss of a child. I STRONGLY believe that no matter what degree you have or how smart you have you will NEVER understand the loss of a child, unless you have been there. My PTSD is due to my traumatic loss, as well as how sick I was. Maybe im being stubborn...but I feel like I am doing great without help. My good days outweigh the bad...so thats how I know I am ok. So this is my therapy and man has it helped!
How did you and Kyle meet?- We met at college. I attended for a semester and Kyle was there for a year. I am a people person and was walking the halls saying hi to people with my roommate, when I walked into Kyles room and said "Hi Im Laura" That was it :) After that he would not leave me alone hehe :)That was 2002, we have been together ever since.
What do and your husband do for work?- I am a hairstylist at a Aveda Lifestyle salon and I love my job so much, I can't ever imagine not working as a stylist. My husband is the hardest worker I know. He is a head Mechanic and Manager.
When you get pregnant, what is your new doctor going to do differently this time around? Will she have you take baby aspirin or blood pressure medicine? Will she put you on bed rest if your BP starts rising? Will she do ultrasounds and stress tests more frequently? Will she have you check your BP every day? Next time around I will be seen more frequently. I am on baby asprin...however I am not cronic hypertensive so I will not be on Bp meds UNLESS my BP gets high, then I will more than likely be put on them. Bed Rest is a must if my BP starts to rise. Ultrasounds and NST tests will be done way more frequently as of now I am not sure HOW frequently. Yes I also will be checking my BP daily! :)
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Two of the best Fathers around
Saturday, June 19, 2010
The wave hits again
Yup another wave. I have been so crabby and down lately. I am 7 months out. My feelings lately are crushing because I know that if Cara was born alive...she would have lived. I was 30 weeks and 3 days pregnant. HOW did she not live? Why did she die? The doctors told me she has passed a day or two prior. I was too late for her. I cant help but think about how many babies make it at 26, 27, 29 weeks.
I know what took her from me. Preeclampsia. But why? Was my blood pressure too high? Was my body too sick for her? I mean how? There was no placenta abruption? She looked perfect...she was almost 3 lbs...she was 16 inches for cryin out loud...why!
I cant get out of my head that after she was born I made the nurses take her away. How in the hell was I not curious about what she looked like? UGH! So mad at myself for that.
The pain I feel now is more so longing. I am longing to just hold her, I know she is not alive...I know I can never bring her back, but I just want to hold her. When I did at the hospital it was not genuine, I held her because people told me to. Not because I truly wanted to. Now I want to.
I think alot of the times I keep my feelings all locked up inside. Reason? Im a VERY realistic person. When I first found out there was no heartbeat my first thoughts were ok she is dead...nothing can being her back so where do we go from here. I find myself sad and then saying, well be as sad as you want...nothing can change it or bring her back so dont waste your time.
Im scared. Im not scared to be pregnant again. That I am ready for. I know that there is never a guarantee. Even when you hear your baby cry...life never guarantees you anything. Im not expecting to have a perfect pregnant and most important I am not expecting to stear clear of PE. I am ready for it! What I am scared for is if I will ever be a mom to a earth angel.
Where is the fast forward button ...click
(P.s.) happy 100 post!
I know what took her from me. Preeclampsia. But why? Was my blood pressure too high? Was my body too sick for her? I mean how? There was no placenta abruption? She looked perfect...she was almost 3 lbs...she was 16 inches for cryin out loud...why!
I cant get out of my head that after she was born I made the nurses take her away. How in the hell was I not curious about what she looked like? UGH! So mad at myself for that.
The pain I feel now is more so longing. I am longing to just hold her, I know she is not alive...I know I can never bring her back, but I just want to hold her. When I did at the hospital it was not genuine, I held her because people told me to. Not because I truly wanted to. Now I want to.
I think alot of the times I keep my feelings all locked up inside. Reason? Im a VERY realistic person. When I first found out there was no heartbeat my first thoughts were ok she is dead...nothing can being her back so where do we go from here. I find myself sad and then saying, well be as sad as you want...nothing can change it or bring her back so dont waste your time.
Im scared. Im not scared to be pregnant again. That I am ready for. I know that there is never a guarantee. Even when you hear your baby cry...life never guarantees you anything. Im not expecting to have a perfect pregnant and most important I am not expecting to stear clear of PE. I am ready for it! What I am scared for is if I will ever be a mom to a earth angel.
Where is the fast forward button ...click
(P.s.) happy 100 post!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Do you have a question?
So I always rant and rave about my life...but sometimes I bet I leave things unanswered. So if you have any question, about me, Cara, birth story, my husband...anything please leave a comment and ask and I will post a new post with answers!
First no
Its a no. Not this month. Booo. Its only our first month trying, but it still is such a bummer to see a no. I can't tell you how much I spent on tests this month or how many I have taken...No I reaaaallly cant tell you...I would be too embarrassed! I was so ready and so focused. Grrr. July will be a whole new month!
So I am still 3 lbs away from Pre pregnancy weight, and to get my mind off of things I am starting back with my personal trainer C 2 times a week for the next month. I am going to really focus on getting fit again. It does not take me long, and I have worked with C before and she is fantastic. She whipped my butt into shape for my wedding. I started to train with her in Feb, but It was just too soon. I could not really focus and I will still all up in the air about my health. Now that I know my health is 100% great. Heres to kickin my butt back into shape on my way to TTC.
So I am still 3 lbs away from Pre pregnancy weight, and to get my mind off of things I am starting back with my personal trainer C 2 times a week for the next month. I am going to really focus on getting fit again. It does not take me long, and I have worked with C before and she is fantastic. She whipped my butt into shape for my wedding. I started to train with her in Feb, but It was just too soon. I could not really focus and I will still all up in the air about my health. Now that I know my health is 100% great. Heres to kickin my butt back into shape on my way to TTC.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Welcome back...
Today I had to welcome back my emotions...I notice that lately little itty bitty things set me off.
I really dont even know where I am going with this post. So I apologize in advance.
Today little things set me off. Made me incredibly sad and angry. I have not felt this way since February. I guess it is true. Grief comes in waves. I have cried twice today, and tears flow as I write this. I just feel pain today. I feel like everyone forgets that LIFE IS TOO SHORT to fret over little things.
Yesterday I was watching a show with Kyle (deadliest catch....I know I know...) One of the guys I guess was having a heart attack. They read his BP 178/120...I actually had to rewind it. A pit grew in my stomach. My BP was higher than that. EEEK I could have died...grr so that hit me again.
Today I was asked if I have any children..."Yes a daughter in heaven" Did not bug me until she told me that her son (that was with her in a stroller next to her as I cut her hair) has cystic fibrosis. UGH. Now it bugged me, because I know that someday she will know the pain of child loss. (I dont know MUCH about CF I do know that life expectancy is somewhere around 30's now? I believe) So then I was sad. Really lets face it no one ever prepares you for the loss of a child. So you think its never going to happen. I HATE to be the berrer of bad news...but it can happen. It does happen. Sadness.
On another note I wish that everyone can know in life that there are some people that have bigger fish to fry. Some people are easily hurt. Especially after going through something traumatic. I wish I was not so sensitive...I cant help it.
I wish people would come to realize...I will never change. Things will never be normal again. This is me. This is my normal.
So now onto PTSD. I had that Nov, Dec, and Jan...I thought I was moving away from that. Today something (no idea what) triggered a memory of Cara in her basket, in my room. Just the image of the stupid basket in my head. Then I was mad at myself for not holding her more. Then I was really upset I could not hold her now. UGH.
I feel like for some reason its sinking in. I know im 7 months out...but for some reason now is when im thinking oh god, its over, she will never be here again. She was never here to begin with.
Sigh...This really is my life isnt it?
I really dont even know where I am going with this post. So I apologize in advance.
Today little things set me off. Made me incredibly sad and angry. I have not felt this way since February. I guess it is true. Grief comes in waves. I have cried twice today, and tears flow as I write this. I just feel pain today. I feel like everyone forgets that LIFE IS TOO SHORT to fret over little things.
Yesterday I was watching a show with Kyle (deadliest catch....I know I know...) One of the guys I guess was having a heart attack. They read his BP 178/120...I actually had to rewind it. A pit grew in my stomach. My BP was higher than that. EEEK I could have died...grr so that hit me again.
Today I was asked if I have any children..."Yes a daughter in heaven" Did not bug me until she told me that her son (that was with her in a stroller next to her as I cut her hair) has cystic fibrosis. UGH. Now it bugged me, because I know that someday she will know the pain of child loss. (I dont know MUCH about CF I do know that life expectancy is somewhere around 30's now? I believe) So then I was sad. Really lets face it no one ever prepares you for the loss of a child. So you think its never going to happen. I HATE to be the berrer of bad news...but it can happen. It does happen. Sadness.
On another note I wish that everyone can know in life that there are some people that have bigger fish to fry. Some people are easily hurt. Especially after going through something traumatic. I wish I was not so sensitive...I cant help it.
I wish people would come to realize...I will never change. Things will never be normal again. This is me. This is my normal.
So now onto PTSD. I had that Nov, Dec, and Jan...I thought I was moving away from that. Today something (no idea what) triggered a memory of Cara in her basket, in my room. Just the image of the stupid basket in my head. Then I was mad at myself for not holding her more. Then I was really upset I could not hold her now. UGH.
I feel like for some reason its sinking in. I know im 7 months out...but for some reason now is when im thinking oh god, its over, she will never be here again. She was never here to begin with.
Sigh...This really is my life isnt it?
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Pray for Amy
Amy gave birth last year to her daughter Kalli due to severe Preeclampsia at 26 weeks, she was 1lb 3oz. Kalli's time on earth was cut too short too soon. Amy just gave birth to Kalli's brother Kooper at 27 weeks, due to severe Preeclampsia again. Mom and Baby are doing good, but please keep them in your thoughts and prayers. I hate you preeclampsia!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Meet Mr & Mrs.
As you all know. Im Laura Angel.
The Hair Stylist, Wife, & Mother of a beautiful angel. I have the best family anyone could ask for. To make a long story short to the question "Where are you from?" I was born in Pennsylvania, grew up in Wisconsin, lived in Michigan and now reside in Illinois. I am a huge animal lover. I was a gymnast and a swimmer growing up and im most likely one of the most energetic and spastic goofy people you'll meet! (Even if its just through blog world) I love to read...love to cook.
This is the husband Kyle.
Kyle is a father a mechanic and the most patient man I know. Kyle has 7 brothers and sisters. Included in that 7 is a brother in heaven.
How we became us...
Kyle and I met at college when I was 17 years old. That was in 2002 and we have been together ever since.
Kyle proposed to be September 2008 on the ferris wheel at Navy Peir.
We got married October 2008.
We said goodbye to our first dog together...
We said goodbye to our daughter together...
We buried our daughter together. Something most people never have to do.
Thats where this all began. This blog was created to keep our daughters memory alive. This blog was a struggle to learn how to breath again. A view for others into my world. Hopefully My world...will turn into more than tears, fears and hopes and dreams. Cheers to our future.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
MIA
I have been MIA. Mainly because I do not have much to blog about...no news is good news in my life right now. I feel like this is a good thing. Im not filled with all sadness and anger anymore.
I just wanted to say how much all these women that I have met through the PE forums and the Blogging community mean to me. Its amazing how much I think of you all every day. How much I want to hug those who are just plain suffering, and how finding this community has helped my loss not be so horrific. I think of you all as family and some of you know things that I do not even share with my life friends.
Most of you who I know through the blogging world I felt like I have known for years. We all have such a sympatheic understanding of one another. Most importantly...we do not judge eachother. By looks, by age, by what we said (blogged about) by what job we have, nothing. No matter what we always stick together and pull through as a BLM community. I think each and every one of you are fantastic weather or not you have lost a child.
And thank you to any comments I get as well as whoever is a follower of my world.. Every time I see a new follower I get so excited!
Hugs to all!
I just wanted to say how much all these women that I have met through the PE forums and the Blogging community mean to me. Its amazing how much I think of you all every day. How much I want to hug those who are just plain suffering, and how finding this community has helped my loss not be so horrific. I think of you all as family and some of you know things that I do not even share with my life friends.
Most of you who I know through the blogging world I felt like I have known for years. We all have such a sympatheic understanding of one another. Most importantly...we do not judge eachother. By looks, by age, by what we said (blogged about) by what job we have, nothing. No matter what we always stick together and pull through as a BLM community. I think each and every one of you are fantastic weather or not you have lost a child.
And thank you to any comments I get as well as whoever is a follower of my world.. Every time I see a new follower I get so excited!
Hugs to all!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Wyatt River
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