Merry Christmas

This Christmas Carter got to spend it with the Angel, Hunkele and Meindel Family! Lucky Duck!

 Almost 14 weeks!

 Auntie Claire

Auntie Maddy

 Paul & Diego!

 My wonderful Inlaws!

My fabulous Hubby!

 

 My lovely Family

 Some of Carter's Uncles!

 

 My two sister in laws!

Update!

I had my first appointment with my MFM. This MFM is different than my last. We are going to try to get me to 39 weeks. Unlikely with my induction at 30 weeks and my pre term labor at 36 weeks, but hey there is a possibility! I am nervous about this because every day I remain pregnant could mean a day closer to Preeclampsia. A bit scary.

I do not like how this doctor has the mind set that "In my 25 years I have never seen anyone not get Preeclampsia in the second but get sick in their third" Unfortunately I volunteer for the Preeclampsia Foundation and know PLENTY of women. So that statement made me wonder inside if this is another doctor that just "goes by the book" or really knows her shit. Hopefully she knows her shit, if not I sure as hell do. New MFM says why do a 24 hour urine if your not dipping 1+ protein. NEW FLASH...last time I dipped 1+ protein I was sent home only to deliver my baby girl stillborn 2 weeks later. LETS NOT WAIT until there is an issue. LETS catch the issue before it begins!

My appointment was two hours long. My next appointment is with my OB next week and I need to voice my concerns that I want THE. SAME. CARE. as I had with Carter. I WANT 24 hour urines frequently and PIH labs frequently. Peace of mind is priceless. As far as I know my OB is the one who really handles my care and tests etc. I just need to verify that. Otherwise I will switch. I have no problem with that.

In my earlier post I posted how I was feeling a bit better during week 11. I jinxed myself. I am back to the all day nausea. Ugh. Mornings are the best for me. I just can't wait till this nausea is over!

 

Can you believe this!? How amazing! How lucky am I to have an office that does this at every ultrasound?! I will sure have a ton of these! 

Helpless

I feel helpless lately. One of my best friend's lost her mother last Christmas. Her father passed a few years prior. To lose your mother on her birthday a day after Christmas...heart wrenching, heartbreaking and unthinkable.

I feel for her in every way possible. I just feel so helpless. I want to fix her, to make her happy. Of course I invited her to spend Christmas with my family and told her I would come over any chance she needed. Sometimes...you just need to be alone. You need to hate the world and hate life alone. Being around people may not help.

The loss of my daughter and the loss of her mother has brought us even closer and while each loss is different, the heartache is the same. I know to just listen and offer my advice IF asked. I know to never compare and to never tell her to move on and to always always know she will forever be changed and forever be sad. Nothing will replace her mother. Nothing will make her feel better. I know that is the part she has to figure out on her own. It is super hard to see her go through this. I know that no matter if she is sad and hates life for two years or two hundred. I will be here. I will never tell her she has changed, because when you go through loss you DO change and the last thing you need is someone to tell you what you already dread...what you already know. You need someone to be there. That is all. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Christmas. She hates it. I don't blame her. I will LOVE LOVE LOVE it on my own time, but when I am around her I will hate it right along side of her and even put up Halloween decorations and listen to Halloween music if that is what makes her feel better.

I understand loss. I wish I didn't. I know all I can do is be there with a listening ear and an open mind and thats all I can do.

Carter's Christmas Pictures!

Had to share just a few. This momma was NOT feeling too hot at the time of pictures so it was just the little man!

Good days ahead!

Could it be at just 11 weeks I am having good days mixed into my all day nausea? This is awesome! So excited! It has been going on for about a week now and my bad days are becoming less and less. With Cara it was well till 16 weeks and with Carter until about 14. So this is fantastic news. I still have an aversion to cooking and just food in general. I do much better if I just eat out (which is not friendly on my pocket book) or if someone cooks for me. (So grateful my mom cooks for us Sunday and Mondays!)

I have noticed with this pregnancy I am not near as tired as the last two, however the past few days that has really seemed to kick in. Ill take being tired anyday over sick.

I reciently read an article online about people doing serrogacy for free. Kind of off subject but it REALLY touched me. I dont think that anyone really knows what kind of amazing people these women are that do this! For someone to have lost a child and then not be able to carry again etc, horrifying. BUT so amazing that there are women out there that do that. Super heros for sure.

I have been so overly emotional this pregnancy I cry at commercials! So I just had to share how amazing I think that is!!

Last but not least...I leave you with my life.

Im really pregnant!

I guess it is real huh? Im really going to do this! I am really pregnant! I just keep pinching myself! As if the all day nausea and aversion to ll foods did not make me feel pregnant enough...BUT there is nothing like a wiggly baby on a ultrasound to make it feel real. WITH a heartbeat of 175 AND wiggly arms and legs!!

 

 Today marks 10 weeks 4 days! I have gained about 4 pounds. My doctor said 2 but I swear something is wrong with that scale! Maybe I should just be happy with 2? Baby measured 5 days ahead! 

When I was pregnant with Cara I had a dream she was born early. A dream she was a girl. A dream (guess I should say nightmare) she died. With Carter I had a dream he was a boy, and a dream he lived. This time around nothing. COME ON DREAMS. Good ones with pleasant thoughts please!

I suppose the very beginning of this pregnancy I did not feel too optimistic because of the clot found in my uterus and the bleeding annnnd the protein in my urine, but today seeing that heart beat away and actually being able to see it bounce about. I cant help but smile and think that there is going to be a happy ending to this story.