How I do it?

I know there is a lot of people asking how I do it and remain so positive. Let me just say in the beginning its so hard because in the BLM community you know everything there is to know about what can go wrong from miscarriage, to ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy etc...it scares the hell out of you, so not only do you worry about having/getting PE you worry that everyone else's story will quickly become yours. The first 20 weeks were hard especially since I get some pretty brutal all day sickness. Which makes a miserable pregnant Laura for a while.

Then comes the worry that you will get PE or have a second trimester loss (because lets face it it happened to me before, again there is no magical ticket that says it wont again...I am not and will never be that naive)

Then comes the third trimester, it gets easier because you know at this point baby has a good chance of survival. At 26 weeks and beyond it can be as high at 90%, of course depending on the situation. However in the back of your mind, its still surreal, there are still many many stories of many many women who have lost in the third trimester or even at term for numerous different reasons, and of course that runs through your head daily.

Well here is how I have dealt with this pregnancy, after a loss and after a battle for my own life. 

Honestly, I think that if Cara would have lived through what happened last time I am not sure if I would be able to do it again, in fear of losing my life and then leaving her alone.  BUT since I have nothing to really lose and all to gain at this point I did try again. Its scary, but honestly I am my own advocate. Telling my doctors, I will be seen weekly. Not asking.

Another thing that helps? It is all a huge crap shoot. There is NOTHING that will treat/prevent. Not to mention I know women who have no underlying conditions that went on to get PE and HELLP again, on the other hand I know women (myself included) that have underlying conditions with no signs of PE. I truly can say I believe that it is all up to how the placenta implants its self. Plus just because your free of PE does not mean your going to have a fantastical pregnancy with no worries...there are all the other reasons that we know many BLM's have experienced that float through our brains daily when it comes to reasons of losing a child. PE is one of millions...billions...ugh.

There is never a 100% chance of getting it again. It is typially 25-30% so just think you have a 70% of not getting it again...AND if women do, its typically much later, or milder. So thats a plus. I looked at it and my plus's outweighed the minus's. Good Doctors, Being able to cut hours at work and rest as much as possible. Weekly Appointments at 26 weeks. Lovenox (not proven to help, but not proven to hurt either).

I never ever in a million years would have thought I would make it to 30 weeks + with not even a trip to L&D. Its a blessing. 

Another thing I did was get tested for everything under the sun. I emptied out my savings, and credit card loaded it up to make sure I got Cardiology testing, and blood work monthly until everything was peachy keen!

I hope this helps someone out there to try again... once your pregnant...there is no turning back, so your forced to take it day by day and every day that baby is inside of you safe is a day to rejoice!