November 16

Not quite sure which day is worse, the day we found out our daughters heart stopped or the day we delivered her. When she was still inside me, there was still hope. (at least in my head) that maybe just maybe she would be alive. What a joke, as we all know in reality that was just my cruel mind playing tricks.

Two years ago...November 16th started off for me with vomiting, and the worse headache known to man kind. Not even a headache, it felt like I had a vice on my head squeezing it together. I had this gut feeling something was not right. I called my ever so fantastic OB (insert scarcasm here) who told me it was more than likely the flu and to wait four hours and if I am still vomiting to come in. My body felt like it was pulsating, it was an outer body experience. I told Kyle we had to go now.

On the drive to the hospital I remember thinking I was going to die. Upon pulling into the hospital I lost vision in my left eye and electric bolts flew all over my vision. From this point on I only remember bits and pieces. Vomit. Ultrasound. Shes gone. Nurses and doctors rushing to my side. Seizure pads. Blah.

Ill never be the same. Life will never be the same. I now have a horrific experience to look back upon.