*My World*

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Torn

Carter is the love of my life. We all knew that. I also LOVE being a hair stylist, so that leaves me torn. Carter has never been watched by anyone who was not family. I work three days a week and one day my brother comes to the house, and the other day my Aunt watches him and Saturday my hubby is home!

That is all about to change. My Aunt who we love dearly and can't thank enough for the past 8 months of watching Carter, will not be able to watch him anymore. My parents both work full time, and my brother is going for a medical assistant degree (awesome!) I WILL NOT put my child in daycare. It is a personal peference and I do know plenty of mothers who have to do daycare, they do not have a choice, and they are GREAT mothers. Daycare is just not for me. So what to do? How do people do it? Financially it practically evens out if Im working three days a week and were to pay someone to watch my child two days a week. BUT I love what I do. I love who I work for and can't imagine not working. For now Hubby and I have arranged some things, so he can be home with him on wednesday, but that means he has to work Saturday. So we both work Saturdays now. My parents will have him for the time being, but as they both work full time, it is like an extra days of work for them.

I know that both my husband and I working Saturdays will not last forever, especially as Carter gets older and has baseball, soccer etc. I just do not know how people financially do it!!! For now we have worked things out for the two days a week I need child care. My mom for the time being is out of a job, but when she goes back, that will all change again, and LORD do I hate change!I have to remind myself that I need to do what is best for my family, and that this will change again when I add a sibling and again when he goes off to pre school. It saddens me that one day I know I will only be able to work two days, even though I love working three. I think that will be in the plan when the next child comes. I dont think I have another option. I hate not having options.

We will be meeting with our financial adviser soon to see where we can cut expenses. Which is interesting when we don't really have any...

The mere thought of having a stranger watch my child makes me sick to my stomach. Maybe it is different because I experienced loss? Maybe my fears are heightened?

Then there is that. The next child. I do not want Carter to be an only child. It sucks because he isnt, but she isnt here with us. So thats totally unfair if you ask me. But hey life isnt fair. I need to just get through this. This too shall pass.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

10 Months!

Where does the time go? Carter still has 8 teeth. He is standing on his own and waving bye bye! He walks with his walker or holding on to your hand (yup just one) He is 22lbs and 29.5 in. Around 80% for his age group! I am glad he will take after his dad! His eyes are still hazel and hair is actually a light light brown with some red in it!

I have a play date every month with about 6 other babies ages 0-10. Its a ton of fun! I can't wait until spring!!!

Friday, January 6, 2012

I read! I promise!

Just wanted to say HI to all my fellow bloggers! Between being a full time Mommy and Part time worker, full time Laundry woman and cook I am so busy! BUT I am still reading all your blogs! Especially my bloggers pregnant with their rainbows! I think of you often! Also my fellow BLM'S...yup still reading! Love to all!