28!

This weekend I celebrated my 28th birthday with a 4 hour dinner and three pitchers of sangria! A great local place that serves spanish inspires tapas! Great food, great friends = great time!

" I welcome getting older, each year is a blessing denied to many"

It all happens at once...

So in the mist of my parents moving, my brother moving, my mom going back to work, it is confirmed my husband will need shoulder surgery and will be unable to work for 6 months after surgery. His accident did happen at work so there is workers comp, but still scary when you know you pretty much rely on one income! Especially with our little toddler running about!

Turns out Kyle did tear his shoulder 180 degrees. Pretty painful. Not sure when his surgery is yet.

I always remind mysefl (especially now that I am off Zoloft) that things could be much worse and I can't control any of this. Day by day...day by day!

Zap-Alicious

This is what being hit by lightening feels like. I swear it! I am having some major withdrawals from coming off Zoloft. Its scary. I guess they are well known amongst us crazies as the "brain zaps" and I feel very disoriented, dizzy and nauseous. Had I known this I am not so sure I would have taken the drug in the first place. Nothing like a good old "Here is a drug that will make you feel like your not knocking on deaths door, but p.s. when you come off its like coming off crack!" (Not that I would know what that feels like, but I can imagine something like this!! My zaps are worse at night and I can feel the zaps from my fingers all the way down to my toes. The worst part...I can hear them. Yup! Call me crazy! I spoke with my doctor and we are going to try to stick it out another two weeks to see if it goes away. IF NOT, I have to be put back on the 12 mg and have an EVEN slower wean process...what could be slower than a two month wean and let alone just trying to wean off just 12MG! Isnt that like nothing?! GRRR!

I am actually pretty upset that drugs like these are deemed "safe" in pregnancy. My son Carter was born a month early at 36 weeks and he was in the NICU for a week due to "POSSIBLE" Pulmonary Hypertension and SSRI withdrawals. Oddly no one would really comment any further than that. He had breathing issues, de-stats, along with jolts and jitters. I can only imagine how that felt on a 7 lb baby. UGH!  NOW THAT I AM GOING THROUGH WITHDRAWALS I can 100% say I know it was the Zoloft. Carter was having Zoloft withdrawls. My poor sweetie. Which is why I am off. I am upset drugs that could "possibly" cause those type of reactions in neonates would be even in a category B or C when it comes to a safety of a drug in pregnancy.

I was put on Zoloft to save my well being after the loss of my daughter. I can say that at that point in my life that is WHAT I needed. I needed it to survive. However I hope in the future I never ever need a drug like that again.

Im back!

Unfortunately my computer took a crash! I feel like I have been away from blog land forever! Lots of changes around here so I will begin to fill you all in!

First and foremost, I am OFF ZOLOFT! It took me over a month to wean off and three therapist appointments, but I did it. The first week I did have some paranoia and some anxiety. The anxiety still comes and goes, mainly its my old anxiety (making lists, OCD cleaning, got a crazy bill in the mail...spend the next three hours obsessing about how much it was, IF and WHEN we get pregnant where will all the baby furniture go?, who will watch my kids if I have another...) Yup call me crazy. HOWEVER I do not have the anxiety that I am going to die, or that something tragic is going to happen to me or my family. THAT is the anxiety and depression that scared me the most after I lost my daughter. THAT is what I was so terrified of coming back. THAT is what HAS NOT returned! [insert happy dance] I do notice I am also overly emotional. I cry at the drop of the hat. I guess its nice to know I am human again? I was such a zombie before!

I have am still stuck on the last two pounds to lose to be pre Carter weight. I am ok with it. I am learning to love my body. After all it did give me two beautiful babies!

I had my recheck for my thyroid which was fine! Everything checked out fine with me on my yearly checkup! EXCEPT I do still test positive for mono. BOOO...HISS...I do feel so much better than I did in April and May but I do still have my days of just sleeping all day. (When I say all day I mean the few hours that of course C man Sleeps!) I had no idea that mono could last this long...sigh.

Here comes the AWESOME news! As some of you know my mother lost her job over a year ago. After almost a year of looking my parents decided to put their house on the market.

 Their house is a 4 bedroom 4 Bath almost 4,000 sq foot home. It is just the two of them. They decided maybe they should downsize. Their current house is immaculate and of course sold within two months! My parents also downsized to this beautiful 3 car garage 3 bedroom 3 bath home IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD. A street away from me! Awesome!

The news gets better. My mom got a job offer!!! I could not be happier for them both! My parents both work full time, so they will not be watching Carter but it is sure nice to have them close!

My very close friend Amelia watches Carter for me on Wednesdays when I work! It is so awesome to know he is in amazing hands! As well as he gets to hang with Z and LyLy! My loss of Cara led me to Amelia and her family. If there is ever a beautiful thing to come from my loss, Amelia and her family are for sure one of them!

Carter is doing great! Testing us every chance he has!

Kyle and I are doing well, as always! There is one unfortunate thing that happened. We found out through MRI scans that Kyle needs shoulder surgery. He finds out details Wednesday but a ligament in his shoulder was torn at work. Poor guy!

I recently took Carter to visit his sister. We hardly go. It always seems so emotional for me. Of course rightfully so, but I have to be in the right frame of mind. Maybe some day it will be easier? Maybe not.