Im back!

Unfortunately my computer took a crash! I feel like I have been away from blog land forever! Lots of changes around here so I will begin to fill you all in!

First and foremost, I am OFF ZOLOFT! It took me over a month to wean off and three therapist appointments, but I did it. The first week I did have some paranoia and some anxiety. The anxiety still comes and goes, mainly its my old anxiety (making lists, OCD cleaning, got a crazy bill in the mail...spend the next three hours obsessing about how much it was, IF and WHEN we get pregnant where will all the baby furniture go?, who will watch my kids if I have another...) Yup call me crazy. HOWEVER I do not have the anxiety that I am going to die, or that something tragic is going to happen to me or my family. THAT is the anxiety and depression that scared me the most after I lost my daughter. THAT is what I was so terrified of coming back. THAT is what HAS NOT returned! [insert happy dance] I do notice I am also overly emotional. I cry at the drop of the hat. I guess its nice to know I am human again? I was such a zombie before!

I have am still stuck on the last two pounds to lose to be pre Carter weight. I am ok with it. I am learning to love my body. After all it did give me two beautiful babies!

I had my recheck for my thyroid which was fine! Everything checked out fine with me on my yearly checkup! EXCEPT I do still test positive for mono. BOOO...HISS...I do feel so much better than I did in April and May but I do still have my days of just sleeping all day. (When I say all day I mean the few hours that of course C man Sleeps!) I had no idea that mono could last this long...sigh.

Here comes the AWESOME news! As some of you know my mother lost her job over a year ago. After almost a year of looking my parents decided to put their house on the market.

 Their house is a 4 bedroom 4 Bath almost 4,000 sq foot home. It is just the two of them. They decided maybe they should downsize. Their current house is immaculate and of course sold within two months! My parents also downsized to this beautiful 3 car garage 3 bedroom 3 bath home IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD. A street away from me! Awesome!

The news gets better. My mom got a job offer!!! I could not be happier for them both! My parents both work full time, so they will not be watching Carter but it is sure nice to have them close!

My very close friend Amelia watches Carter for me on Wednesdays when I work! It is so awesome to know he is in amazing hands! As well as he gets to hang with Z and LyLy! My loss of Cara led me to Amelia and her family. If there is ever a beautiful thing to come from my loss, Amelia and her family are for sure one of them!

Carter is doing great! Testing us every chance he has!

Kyle and I are doing well, as always! There is one unfortunate thing that happened. We found out through MRI scans that Kyle needs shoulder surgery. He finds out details Wednesday but a ligament in his shoulder was torn at work. Poor guy!

I recently took Carter to visit his sister. We hardly go. It always seems so emotional for me. Of course rightfully so, but I have to be in the right frame of mind. Maybe some day it will be easier? Maybe not.