You are my Sunshine

October 15- What comes after a rainbow ya'll? SUNSHINE!

Yes thats right...I am pregnant. For the third time! Husband and I began trying in August. October 14th I got my first positive! Super early! I am only three weeks pregnant!

Here comes the dreaded question I will be asked over and over again. "Are you hoping for a girl or a boy?" YOU KNOW WHAT I AM HOPING FOR?!?! A preeclampsia free pregnancy again! A healthy delivery and a baby who does not need NICU time. I want so badly A NORMAL pregnancy!!! Even more normal than my last. My last pregnancy my appointments were weekly and sometimes biweekly. This time around (do I dare say this) I would like to not have to see the MFM ever three weeks. Once a month should do it!

Alot of emotions are running through my head. I am so happy but scared! I am overwhelmed with stupid things like I need a double stroller and a new crib and changing table! I am super overwhelmed, especially because in three weeks my husband will be having his sholder surgery and wont be able to do much until probably April, which I am assuming I will be due sometime in June. That does not give me much time! I guess this is what it is like being off Zoloft when pregnant! Ha ;)

All kidding aside I am blessed. Blessed to be able to get pregnant this fast and blessed that I will be welcoming a new baby into our family.

I am going to wait until Thanksgiving to spill the beans. That way I can allow Cara her third birthday and allow me some time to take it all in!


October 18- Still pregnant over here!

October 23- Pregnant as ever! I am experiencing some different symptoms. I have NO appetite, and I am crazy thursty! I am NOT sick yet. I will be 6 weeks in three days!

October 26- I made it through being sick, pregnant and having a toddler! Well, almost. Last week my husband came down with a nasty cold/sinus infection. Of course he never went to the doctor. Well Carter had a crazy runny nose, not sleeping at night, was not eating much, constipated etc. So I took him in and of course he had a viral infection. So I stayed home from work with him and disinfected the house...a pregnant woman and sickness does not mesh. That night I told my husband my throat was hurting...well slowly but surely here comes my standard yearly sickness (fever, sore throat sinus issues) That started Thursday, well its Saturday, no fever thank god, but being newly pregnant I freaked about the fever (can lead to miscarriage) So I called my on call OB (I am sure they were thinking here we go) they prescribed penicillin for me to take and told me that the benefits outweigh the risks at this point. So I have been taking that. I am praying that I feel ok to take Carter trick or treating in town tomorrow. I really don't want to miss it. I am 5 weeks 1 day pregnant and NO sickness. I have lost two pounds though because I do not want to eat anything. I have lost desire to eat...no joke. Weird!?

November 5- Have not updated in a while. Hubby had surgery! Wouldn't you know it the day of his surgery was the day I turned 6 week 1 day and it was the day my "sour" stomach arrived! I wouldnt call it all day nausea yet because its not. It is just this icky feeling! This pregnancy is so different so far in that I have to eat a actual meal every 3 hours or I feel sick. With Cara and Carter I would pick all day long. I do however have the usual HATE the smell of coffee and taste (which is bizarre since I am a AVID coffee drinker!) Ranch dressing yuck (I typically love ranch!)I had my first ultrasound today! Heartbeat on little sunshine was 122!! How exciting!

November 13- 7 weeks 4 days pregnant! Holy sick. I am just nauseous alllll day. I try very hard to to complain but it is so difficult when I can't eat anything. I can't cook and I don't want to look at pasta or red sauce or cheese. Ugh must the list go on? Thank God for Peanut butter, saltines, toast, and Starbucks veggie egg breakfast sandwiches. WHICH I SWEAR if eaten every morning my sickness is not as bad!

I had my first scare. I know so early...so unfair! Last tuesday evening I started to bleed. Red. I was so scared, doctor told me to come in first thing in the am. Being I was not yet 7 weeks I was positive I was miscarrying. A flicker of a heartbeat the next morning proved me s wrong! What they did find was a blood clot that was hemorrhaging in my uterus. Sounds scarier than it actually is. It is common in a lot of pregnancies. Only issue with me is that I already have a blood clotting disorder and if you ask me that is why this happened. I am NOT to start my lovenox injections until blood has stopped. I am guessing it will be sometime this week. I have a sick toddler on my hands and a hubby that is injured so it is a very stressful time for me right now. Dealing with my all day nausea, cleaning, cooking, feeding, changing, playing, and taking care of myself, annnd working. Sigh. This too shall pass right?

Another thing I want to touch base on is this will be my last. I must forget how sick I get. There is no way I can do this again. It has nothing to do with being scared or I might get preeclampsia, it is just the all day nausea. It is HORRIBLE. I will not/cannot go through this again. I wanted to get this in writing so we can end baby making for good after this little sunshine!

November 15- This is a rough time. In two days I will have lost my daughter three years ago. Hard to really wrap my mind around the fact the last time I saw her was three years ago. I am getting more anxious about the little 8 week old baby in my belly. Is its heart still beating away? How can I be sure? My mind plays tricks on me. Thats so unfair! I have been being told "I think your having a boy." I get VERY defensive about that statement as well as the question "What do you want to have?" Of course I want a baby. A take home baby. BUT I want a girl. Deep down I know that I do. I feel like I am being robbed of my baby girl. That was taken from me. Please dont misunderstand me. I will be thrilled with whatever God choses to give me. In the back of my mind if I have a boy and this is my last will I forever wonder what a little girl is like? Will I forever be robbed of my chance.

November 19- Cara's birthday came and went. With a few good cries and lots of people remembering her this year I got through it like I always do. I am just feeling so sick. No vomiting. Just feeling like I am going to all day long. I wake up in the morning and CANT WAIT till bed because that means I am one day closer to 15 weeks (when this typically goes away for me) It is so incredibly hard. Carter is amazing, never gives me a hard time and he is SO good. Getting up and staying in your pajamas all day and forcing yourself to brush your teeth or shower is what is hard. Unless I am at work I am having a pitty party for myself all day long. While I AM SOO THANKFUL to be pregnant its just HARD. Unlike prior pregnancies I can't find anything to drink that settles my stomach. I have tried teas hot and cold. Soda (which I never drink) water is a huge no. Just like food I am typically starving all the time. Eating feels good and then I feel sick within ten minutes.

November 22-  Happy Thanksgiving! Today I am thankful to be able to announce to you all that I am finally pregnant!