Last night I had my first dream of Cara. In my dream I was at the Zoo by myself on rollerblades (I know weird) and I was putting up signs to tell people about my walk for preeclampsia as well as writing my website down for people to view.
The rest of my dream is a blur, but I do remember while I was on rollerblades at the Zoo I saw the Shed Aquarium (which is weird because that is where we went the day of her due date) somewhere inbetween all of this I remember being happy and seeing Cara and she smiled at me (all I remember is that she looked literally like a doll and she had a full set of teeth when she smiled...strange I know) Then in my dream I remember at the Zoo I was talking to a Lady and wanted to say "Oh Cara did you hear that?" but then remembered that there is no Cara alive and I could not say that...then I woke up.
I would like to think this dream is a way of her showing me that she is ok (because I often wonder if she is cold or missing her mommy and daddy) or a way of her reminding me that yes she has passed but she is happy and her spirit is with me always anywhere I go (possibly why I was on rollerblades in my dream?)
Happy Valentines Day Bitty girl!
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
Dear Cara
Dear Cara,
Mommy and Daddy choose to remember you in a special way. Mommy got a tattoo on her wrist...
This tattoo is so beautiful and everytime I look down and see it I smile and remember how beautiful you were.
Daddy got a tattoo for you as well.
We love you and miss you every day.
Mommy and Daddy choose to remember you in a special way. Mommy got a tattoo on her wrist...
This tattoo is so beautiful and everytime I look down and see it I smile and remember how beautiful you were.
Daddy got a tattoo for you as well.
We love you and miss you every day.
My new OB
Today I met with my new OB. LOVE HER! She really took time to listen to everything. She asked questions and answered all of mine. She seems to know way more about Preeclampsia/HELLP than my old OB pratice.
One thing I learned today is I am too high risk for the high risk MFM that I saw a few weeks back (seeing that it is only a level II nicu, as well as a smaller hospital) She works with him as well as another high risk MFM at another hospital that is way bigger as well as a level III nicu and they ALWAYS have a neonatal doctor on staff at this hospital. I am glad I will be seen at this hospital, but it is almost an hour away where as the level II hospital is only 30 mins away. I suppose it could be much worse. Once I hit 28 weeks I am just going to keep a hospital bag packed in my trunk just incase.
My new OB made me feel so good about my next pregnancy. She did suggest that I wait a year, but said the minimum wait is 6 months (since she knew that I would totally be crushed if I had to wait a year!) So we are still on for May.
OB suggested that I see a hematologist for my factor V Leiden (which we have since found out my mother has as well) so I will be seeing a hematologist as well as a new internal medicine doctor that she works with too. I am now also on Calcium magnesium (whats one more vitamin in the mix) I will be excited about sharing my infor on my new MFM next monday! :)
One thing I learned today is I am too high risk for the high risk MFM that I saw a few weeks back (seeing that it is only a level II nicu, as well as a smaller hospital) She works with him as well as another high risk MFM at another hospital that is way bigger as well as a level III nicu and they ALWAYS have a neonatal doctor on staff at this hospital. I am glad I will be seen at this hospital, but it is almost an hour away where as the level II hospital is only 30 mins away. I suppose it could be much worse. Once I hit 28 weeks I am just going to keep a hospital bag packed in my trunk just incase.
My new OB made me feel so good about my next pregnancy. She did suggest that I wait a year, but said the minimum wait is 6 months (since she knew that I would totally be crushed if I had to wait a year!) So we are still on for May.
OB suggested that I see a hematologist for my factor V Leiden (which we have since found out my mother has as well) so I will be seeing a hematologist as well as a new internal medicine doctor that she works with too. I am now also on Calcium magnesium (whats one more vitamin in the mix) I will be excited about sharing my infor on my new MFM next monday! :)
Monday, February 1, 2010
PTSD
So I think I have PTSD. On the preeclampsia forums I know some of the women have it and this is what I am experiencing on some days...one of them being yesterday.
Posttraumatic stress disorder -- or PTSD -- describes anxiety (also known as post-traumatic stress disorder) caused by the exposure to either death or near-death circumstances. The traumatic event is re-experienced in thoughts and dreams. Common behaviors include the following:
Avoiding activities, places, or people associated with the triggering event
(I do this with hospitals/or hospital situations)
Difficulty concentrating
(ALL THE TIME)
Difficulty sleeping
(Actually not really)
Being hypervigilant (you closely watch your surroundings)
(From time to time)
Feeling a general sense of doom and gloom with diminished emotions such as loving feelings or aspirations for the future
(Somedays yes)
So I think I am going to think about going to see someone to talk to. I have my new OB apt Feb 8th so I am going to ask her where /who to see. It cant hurt and I want to make sure I am mentally ok to TTC again in May!
Posttraumatic stress disorder -- or PTSD -- describes anxiety (also known as post-traumatic stress disorder) caused by the exposure to either death or near-death circumstances. The traumatic event is re-experienced in thoughts and dreams. Common behaviors include the following:
Avoiding activities, places, or people associated with the triggering event
(I do this with hospitals/or hospital situations)
Difficulty concentrating
(ALL THE TIME)
Difficulty sleeping
(Actually not really)
Being hypervigilant (you closely watch your surroundings)
(From time to time)
Feeling a general sense of doom and gloom with diminished emotions such as loving feelings or aspirations for the future
(Somedays yes)
So I think I am going to think about going to see someone to talk to. I have my new OB apt Feb 8th so I am going to ask her where /who to see. It cant hurt and I want to make sure I am mentally ok to TTC again in May!
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