You will be forever missed Gram. Please pray for my Dad, he has endured the loss of his Granddaughter and his mother all within 6 months.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Another Angel grew its wings today
My Grandmother Mary Lou Hunkele was admitted into a hospice facility Friday May 7th and her last day here on earth was today May 10th. Today is also the day that my Grams father passed. I truly believed that she held on so she could spend one last Mothers Day with her family. I know Cara will be thrilled to meet her Great Grandma. Cara and Charlie are all alone up there in heaven, so they will be welcoming Grams home today. My Gram & Pap were married for 57 years.
You will be forever missed Gram. Please pray for my Dad, he has endured the loss of his Granddaughter and his mother all within 6 months.
You will be forever missed Gram. Please pray for my Dad, he has endured the loss of his Granddaughter and his mother all within 6 months.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
My 1st Mothers Day without Cara
So my first Mothers day without Cara has arrived. The day began with my husband giving me a card right when I got out of bed. Its the big pink card in the middle :)
We both cried. I was so touched he remembered me. I know he would never forget me...im far too fabulous hehe...but just touching he did that for me :) I was also so touched my cousin Anthony and my cousin Michael ages 7 and 9 came up to me with a big hug and wished me happy mothers day! My aunt also gave me tulips!
I wanted to share with everyone this collage that Jessica made for me a while back.
I cried twice today, I seem to be more emotional lately. Probably because im watching my Dad go through so much pain as well as knowing my Grams will not be here on earth much longer. Its hard. My dad is still in Pittsburgh, been there for 8 days now. Grams is still hanging on...its been 8 days in hospice, no food...no water...no help...no tubes...she is a fighter, but we all know its bittersweet her journey here on earth is coming to a end. I just want me dad to come home. He needs us right now and we just do not know when my Grams will pass. Only God knows. Either way I am happy that she was able to be here for Mothers Day!
I want to end this post with a big thank to Crystal who sent me this...
We both cried. I was so touched he remembered me. I know he would never forget me...im far too fabulous hehe...but just touching he did that for me :) I was also so touched my cousin Anthony and my cousin Michael ages 7 and 9 came up to me with a big hug and wished me happy mothers day! My aunt also gave me tulips!
I wanted to share with everyone this collage that Jessica made for me a while back.
I cried twice today, I seem to be more emotional lately. Probably because im watching my Dad go through so much pain as well as knowing my Grams will not be here on earth much longer. Its hard. My dad is still in Pittsburgh, been there for 8 days now. Grams is still hanging on...its been 8 days in hospice, no food...no water...no help...no tubes...she is a fighter, but we all know its bittersweet her journey here on earth is coming to a end. I just want me dad to come home. He needs us right now and we just do not know when my Grams will pass. Only God knows. Either way I am happy that she was able to be here for Mothers Day!
I want to end this post with a big thank to Crystal who sent me this...
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Shes in heaven
The three words every mother would dread. The three words that never really came out of my mouth...just yet. This was unexpected. I was getting a manicure today. Most of you know that I have this tattoo on my wrist.
Yup its beautiful I know :) So anyways...the manicurist said ooo whats that. I replied its my daughter name...I could tell she was trying to read the wording underneath. Shit. Well really it on my wrist for the world to see what did I expect. Here it comes..."How old is she?"..Shes in Heaven. I ALMOST CRIED. Now let me just say, this is rare. Im a hair stylist and love to talk (shocker I know) and I talk freely about my daughter and actually never once lost it while explaining my story to any client...for some reason this was one of the hardest questions. She is supposed to be almost 6 months. She never was one month, one day, or one second old. She skipped in life and went straight to heaven. I just got overwhelmed with sadness.
Tomorrow is Mothers Day...I have been crabby all week, because I am a mother, but have nothing to show for it. The two things I loved most in life are gone. My sweet Cara and my sweet sweet Charlie. I miss them both more than words can express. I hate getting these sudden rushes of grief. I think that the first three months I literally cried every single day, now its very sporadic...maybe I just get used to the sad feeling? I don't know but now they hit at weird times. Im crabby because I see other people take little things and get mad over them. I see people all around me, having "a bad day" or being "sick" People have no idea how great life is. How great their life is. Sometimes I want to say to them. My daughter is dead. I watched her being born dead...I watched helplessly as they bathed her, as her nose bleed and as she soon turned very pale. I watched MYSELF turn into a monster, not wanting people to hold my daughter, not wanting to hold her and not wanting any pictures. So yes I find myself pissed at others when things are not going their way. But I have to be rational and remind myself I was JUST like them once. Until my world was shattered. Funny how sometime so life shattering has to open up your eyes...
Now more than ever I find myself missing her, missing getting to know her, getting to make sure she is ok. She is not. That hurts...
Ok on a happy note... I was born on my Mothers Birthday Aug 27. (She had preeclampsia TOO). Happy Mothers Day to my Mom...the best mom, the mom who gives me and my brother EVERYTHING. I love you!
Yup its beautiful I know :) So anyways...the manicurist said ooo whats that. I replied its my daughter name...I could tell she was trying to read the wording underneath. Shit. Well really it on my wrist for the world to see what did I expect. Here it comes..."How old is she?"..Shes in Heaven. I ALMOST CRIED. Now let me just say, this is rare. Im a hair stylist and love to talk (shocker I know) and I talk freely about my daughter and actually never once lost it while explaining my story to any client...for some reason this was one of the hardest questions. She is supposed to be almost 6 months. She never was one month, one day, or one second old. She skipped in life and went straight to heaven. I just got overwhelmed with sadness.
Tomorrow is Mothers Day...I have been crabby all week, because I am a mother, but have nothing to show for it. The two things I loved most in life are gone. My sweet Cara and my sweet sweet Charlie. I miss them both more than words can express. I hate getting these sudden rushes of grief. I think that the first three months I literally cried every single day, now its very sporadic...maybe I just get used to the sad feeling? I don't know but now they hit at weird times. Im crabby because I see other people take little things and get mad over them. I see people all around me, having "a bad day" or being "sick" People have no idea how great life is. How great their life is. Sometimes I want to say to them. My daughter is dead. I watched her being born dead...I watched helplessly as they bathed her, as her nose bleed and as she soon turned very pale. I watched MYSELF turn into a monster, not wanting people to hold my daughter, not wanting to hold her and not wanting any pictures. So yes I find myself pissed at others when things are not going their way. But I have to be rational and remind myself I was JUST like them once. Until my world was shattered. Funny how sometime so life shattering has to open up your eyes...
Now more than ever I find myself missing her, missing getting to know her, getting to make sure she is ok. She is not. That hurts...
Friday, May 7, 2010
Joyful June
June it is! My doctor called back today to confirm NO protein and NO thyroid problems. Im so excited! I am nervous yes, but my excitement overrides my nervousness! So this may be a silly question...I was never TTC with Cara...She was a surprise "vegas" (we were in Vegas when she was conceived) baby. So how do I know when to TTC? I know my next monthly issue will be end of May? Any suggestions on trying to get pregnant?? Thanks guys!
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