Promise Walk 2010

Well on a 90 degree scorching hot day. We walked 1.5 miles for Cara. I also read my story and poem which are below

My name is Laura Meindel. On November 16 2009 I admitted
myself to L&D, and it was there that we heard the words "Im sorry your
baby has passed" Within what seemed like minutes I was diagnosed with
Severe Preeclmapsia and Hellp syndrome.I was almost 31 weeks pregnant.
My daughter Cara Angel was born sleeping the very next day November 17.
She was 2 lbs 11oz 16 in and perfect. Preeclampsia took my daughters
life and almost my own. I have realized more than ever how precious
life is and how quickly it can be taken from us. This poem I wrote is
for all those who's lives have been touched by this horrible disease.


My Mom is a survivor
By: Laura Meindel

My mom is a survivor
She's left with this pain
She no longer has me to hold
She smiles through all the rain

My mom is a survivor
She fought it through
My mom is now here
With both me and you

My mom is a survivor
She smile and sings
Praise of the hope and happiness
I will always bring

My mom was a survivor
she tried and tried
You took her from me
You stole and lied

My mom was a surivior
but just for short while
she almost made it
now ill never see her smile

All our moms are survivors
Not a single story alike
Mom's bring us all together and help us fight

Fight for a cure
Fight for happiness
Fight for hope
Fight for bliss


Help us above with wings shine our light
Our moms are all survivors please help them fight

I have the best family and friends that joined me on my walk. Everyone who came with me on my walk are most of the people who have truly been there throughout my journey of loss.

My 3 Jobs...wanna be 4

#1. Hair stylist...what I was born to do. Most people dream in color, I dream in hair! haha! Seriously I love it!

#2. I like to call myself a volunteer for the Preeclampsia Forums. I spend COUNTLESS hours a day on there. I used to be OBSESSED, now I still check the site at least 4 times a day. Hoping I can be helpful to someone along the way.

#3. The internet queen. Not just facebook anymore (I know I know its up 90% of the time) But im usually blogging, working on Angel Baby Names  researching Preeclampsia, Hellp Syndrome, Factor V Leiden, Still Birth, the list goes on.


Depending on how this next year goes I am really thinking about going back to school to be a nurse. I would take classes like 1 or 2 days a week, I dont care if it took me years to finish, and I may never work as a nurse...but I just want to learn more.

My starvation of learning more about health is crazy. Not just oh trans fat is bad for you health. Im talking about what your TSH and T4 free levels are. What are your platelet levels? Whats your LDL and HDL levels?  Are you taking a statin drug...because if you are you should be on COQ 10 (Because lets be real total cholesterol #'s are just a number) Whats your blood pressure? Whats your mean blood pressure?  Have you been tested for Vitamin D deficiency? I know wayyy more than I lead to about all of this health junk. Thats what happens when you almost lose your own life. So that is something that my future would possibly hold? If I were to do this...I would want to be something with OB department. This would not be for the next year (In hopes that I get pregnant) I will see where this journey takes me.

6 months ago today...

6 months ago today my daughter Cara was silently born into this world. I never thought I would be here writing this after 6 months. It seems like just yesterday I was walking into the L&D at the hospital. Most the time my thoughts now are that I can't believe I was even actually pregnant, I can't believe I had a daughter that died, It all seems like a dream. I can't believe the death of my child is now what defines me.

The first month was agony, every day I woke up I counted down the hours that I could go to sleep again, thats all I wanted to do. Things are way different now. I will never say better, because my life has forever changed, it will be different but never better. I will forever wonder what she would have looked like.

Happy 6 Months Cara

In loving Memory...

This weekend was full of emotions. My Grandma Hunkele was born October 14, 1929 and died May 10, 2010. This weekend was her funeral.

Most of you know that the very first family funeral was my daughters. I had all 4 of my grandparents. When I lost my daughter, always in the back of my mind I knew she was up there alone. No one she really recognized would be there. When Charlie (My dog) grew his wings 3 months later...I knew that he was taken from me because he was very near and dear to my heart, so I knew that he was taken to be with Cara. So Grams being the first member of the family to pass in a strange way gave me comfort. I know Cara is now taken care of. I know that Grams is not suffering and I know that she will always and forever hold a special place in my heart just knowing that she was the first to be with my daughter. The first to see her in heaven and the first to reassure her that I will be there soon. I am sure she is telling Cara lots and lots of stories about what a wonderful Grandfather she has.

Watching my Dad loose his mother was something you never obviously want to go through...but unfortunately that is life. Its what happens. Watching people struggle with something they can't change is so hard. I wanted to help him feel no pain.  My Dad is so strong and I admire him so much.

As soon as I walked into the funeral home I cried. Couldnt help it. I held her hand. Told her how much we would miss her and I was able to put a picture of Cara in her coffin.

As I took out the picture to lay there beside her I cried of course and I caught myself (actually surprised myself) I whispered "my baby" as I set her picture down. The flowers above are from Grams 3 Great Grandchildren...on that card was Cami, Cole and Cara...so beautiful.

Now let me explain that when I attended Caras funeral. I was still very very sick (I was admitted back to the hospital the next day) I was still in shock. So being at Grams funeral was so difficult, because I am obviously still grieving for my daughter. So it was basically like I was grieving for both.

Im angry. I wish death was not a part of life. Its just not fair that people you love can be taken from you. Its not fair at all.

My Pap is doing so well. He is such a firecracker. Cara would have loved him . He is funny and charming, and boy did he love my grandmother. He told everyone how beautiful she looked. My Pap also took me to my Grams room to let me pick out a piece of her jewelry. Pap told me he is trying to make sure that she will never be forgotten. I cried as I told him that I would never ever forget her because she is the first person up in heaven with my daughter. I picked out a butterfly pin and a santa pin. Gram collected Santas, the Santa pin I gave to my dad. I really worry about my Pap, I know the grief process all to well. Probably better than most people.  I know that in the beginning your in shock. Then fear kicks in, then overwhelming sadness and then anger. I have faith that if anyone can pull through this he can!