November 17

Finally got around to writing this post. Mainly because there is not much to write. This year we did not go see Cara. I know. Horrible. Its like every time I go now I cry, so I need to find a day where I can be emotional. Its like fitting crying into my schedule. I think I avoid it because I dont want to be sad. I know its terrible.

Its just harder now. When I lost her. I did not know what I lost, and what I was missing. Now that I have Carter I do. It is that much harder.

Just realized that two years ago today was the day we buried her.

Happy Birthday Cara

November 16

Not quite sure which day is worse, the day we found out our daughters heart stopped or the day we delivered her. When she was still inside me, there was still hope. (at least in my head) that maybe just maybe she would be alive. What a joke, as we all know in reality that was just my cruel mind playing tricks.

Two years ago...November 16th started off for me with vomiting, and the worse headache known to man kind. Not even a headache, it felt like I had a vice on my head squeezing it together. I had this gut feeling something was not right. I called my ever so fantastic OB (insert scarcasm here) who told me it was more than likely the flu and to wait four hours and if I am still vomiting to come in. My body felt like it was pulsating, it was an outer body experience. I told Kyle we had to go now.

On the drive to the hospital I remember thinking I was going to die. Upon pulling into the hospital I lost vision in my left eye and electric bolts flew all over my vision. From this point on I only remember bits and pieces. Vomit. Ultrasound. Shes gone. Nurses and doctors rushing to my side. Seizure pads. Blah.

Ill never be the same. Life will never be the same. I now have a horrific experience to look back upon.

November is...

L to tha A to the M to the E...
Well we all knew that was coming.

Ok... well it is also prematurity awareness month. I am bitter about that. My premature baby did not live and was never given the chance to live. I so wish she was here so I could say "Look she made it!" That is also hard knowing that she would have made it. There is not a doubt in my mind, if she just would have had that chance.

Dont get me wrong I am over the moon, lucky go happy excited and tearfully grateful for all of those babies that fought the prematurity battle and won. It is just so hard to see at the same time.

Told ya this month blows, Bah Hum BUG

8 Months!

Time flies! Do I say that at every monthly post for the little guy?

 

Literally the day Carter turned 8 months he was crawling. He now has 5 teeth and one more is almost popped through! Carter also says "ma ma" or "mum" mainly when he is eating, or when he is upset. 

The sleeping thing is still a bit of an issue, but we noticed that when he is cutting teeth that his sleep pattern is worse. Just so happens he gets about a tooth a month that takes a week or so to pop through so basically he is always hurting..poor boo! 

People are saying he is looking more and more like me. Carters eyes are still hazel but I am guessing they will turn brown. His hair is still pretty light brown too!

In the picture above it was his first time having spaghetti, he is beginning to eat more and more of what mom and dad have!  HE LOVES yogurt! Spaghetti he loved but later threw up. Another month or so and the first birthday party plans will be underway!