Before I lost Cara all I did was plan. Weeks and months in advance...what I was doing, what time, with who etc. After I lost her that all came to a halt as I realized it simply is not important. I had all these plans the weeks after her death before she died. Never would I have thought I would have been penciling in funeral. I focused on today and tomorrow, and that was about it. My life was so simplified. So really making plans weeks and months in advance is so useless.
However I find myself slowly reverting back. Getting overwhelmed with scheduling, my anxiety kicks in. "What time am I going to the gym?" "What time should I start dinner?" "What time is my show on?" "What day should I plan to get my nails done?" I try to do 10 million things at once sometimes, or I want to plan out the whole month of July, so I know what I am doing and with who. I am realizing again it is just not important to "plan." The important thing is that the important things I need to do always end up getting done. The important people I need to see and need in my life will always be there no matter what. So why try to do everything?
Right now in my life I am over the moon, thrilled and in love of course with my son. Making him happy and my family happy is what matters most. So day by day it is again.
- *Laura Angel
- Illinois, United States
- I'm a mother to a beautiful angel in heaven, as well as our Earth baby Carter. My life has been filled with nothing but happiness and laughter, however I also know ultimate sadness. I continue to try to live my life to the fullest, and enjoy making people laugh along the way. You never know when your life will change forever. Mine changed November 16, 2009, when we learned our daughters heart was no longer beating. Cara was born November 17th 2009. She was 2 lbs 11oz 16 in. Preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome took her from us. I now strive to help promote Preeclampsia and HELLP Syndrome awareness. I also strive to help others who have lost a child. Its something no one can prepare you for, Its something that will forever be with you. We are happy to announce that our son Carter Allen was born March 5 2011 at 36 weeks 4 days weighing 7lbs 7oz. Carter brings such happiness and hope to our lives.
- TTC- Try to conceive
- L&D- Labor & Delivery
- BP- Blood Pressure
- Rainbow- a baby after a loss
- MFM- Maternal Fetal Medicine
- PE- Preeclampsia
- BLM- Baby Loss Mommy
4 comments:
Like you, I also am a huge planner, and starting 2011 with the death of my son was on the schedule either:(
I totally relate to what you are saying, my life revolved around 'plans' and routines and when we lost Grace I decided to let go of it all and not plan for anything, however I am finding it necessary as time goes on and reverting back into planning even though it brings anxiety. Good luck!
I completely agree w/ your blog. We get so caught up w/ planning for today tomorrow next week & I too have made it a conscious decision to focus on the here and now & continuing to make my husband & kids my priority.
I need to take your advice. You should see my calendar for June and July, it's pretty crazy. The scary thing about it is that I'm on vacation. Yikes!
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