My most favorite time of year is the fall. Or at least it was. I am not sure how I will feel. Last fall was filled with excitement for my baby shower and for the holidays. Little did I know how sick I was. I remember Kyle planted me huge mums in my front yard. We went to car shows and pumpkin farms. Now just the sight of halloween stuff makes me all uneasy.
Last Halloween my baby was slowly getting sicker and sicker inside of me, and no one knew. Last fall my baby passed away. I was admitted into the hospital Nov 16, released the 19th only to return back the 22 and by the time I was out it was basically winter.
Just makes me sad.
Thanksgiving last year was impossible. It was 2 days after I was released from the hospital still pretty sick. I counted down the hours until I could take my Xanex again and go to sleep. I also took my blood pressure about 16 times an hour. No joke.
This thanksgiving I am hoping to be filled with happiness. Although her one year birthday is coming up. Fall is going to be a rough time.
4 comments:
I used to love the fall too. I really hope that this fall you will be filled with peace. I know you have so many memories, good and bad but I pray that they days ahead are going to be wonderful for you.
I am hoping this fall treats you kind. Many hugs.
I am going to pray for a calm & peaceful fall & winter. Lots of positive thoughts being sent your way. XxOo
Laura, since we are so close in our dates of loss, I am right with you. I lost Brenna 2 days after Halloween. I used to love it. Now the thought of it, puts me in a panic attack. Of course, this would be Zachary's FAVORITE holiday. Really? Seriously? I remember the holiday's last year. Ugh. We remember thinking how we should've had a baby and how we were hoping this year we would too. I put my decorations up and did everything I "should" in order to allow Zachary not to be swallowed up by my grief.
But, I am hopeful for this year too and can't wait for next year's! :) I am also looking at my precious boy as my ambassador of "Get Into The Holiday's". If not for me, at least for him.
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