I truly believe I am addicted....to the preeclampsia Forums. I am on that website for literally 5 or 6 hours a day! Im so scared I might miss something. Im scared I may miss out on helping someone. HOWEVER I am not helping myself by doing so. It gives me anxiety sometimes, having flash backs about what happened to me or what could happen in my future. It took me a good month to even go on that website to see whats going on because my anxiety was so crazy! So I will be scaling back on that I told myself I will check it maybe twice a day and thats it! I need to focus on positive things for my mind. I find myself worrying about everyone thats pregnant on that site and its just an addiction of mine to check that website 276376 times a day!
I am also addicted to researching any test results I get back. I know its a good thing, but in some ways its not so good. There are some things that if they are borderline I would rather recheck in a year...not a few months!! I understand being proactive...believe me I do, but I feel like we keep finding little things wrong. My doc follow up today with blood work, stated that I do still have protein in my urine, and my thyroid levels are borderline and need to be rechecked before I TTC. My urine also has to be retested next week, which I am fine with also, it could have been a fluke (fingers crossed) Also they want me to have a stress test. Oh like I wont be stressed about "Having a stress test" AHHH! No more doctors...I need a doctor vacation.
Ok so again I need to kep myself in check, I need to deal with what is happeneing at the moment. I can't control the future with whats going on in my health and have to remind myself it could be way worse! I also know that not evenyone needs to know that I am feeling sad, or know that every moment of every day is consumed with me wondering about my health. I can't be a debbie downer to people, I dont want to be THAT person that people don't want to be around because of my black shadow I bring everywhere with me.
So for now back to focusing on one day at a time. I cant control anything that is going to happen anyway right?
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
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5 comments:
I was the same way with the Pre-e forums right after Nolan. But then I got TOO addicted and too much info gave me anxiety. There is a welth of info on there and some can be scary. So I tend to stay on 2 forums and try not to read too much into things. It sure has helped with SOME anxiety.
I find my time on the boards varies. When I am working, I check it twice a day and keep up with all the posts. When I am now on bedrest - for what like 11 weeks so far! - I am on all the time :) you are not alone in your addiction!
I had an addiction to the web and forums at one point. I still sort of do. I was obsessed with finding answers and wanting to learn more about others.
I hope focusing on one day at a time works for you. xx
I agree I have felt that same way. I get consumed by the information and the story of losses get me every time. I just sit and cry which isn't good. After my son was born I avoided the site because I was afraid of what I might find out about my risks and all the other stuff that can be going on. I have resolved to only check once a day, but we'll see how that goes.
Definately focus on one day at a time...I like you are so focused on my health and wanting everything to be perfect for TTC. Thinking of you.
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