When Cara was born I wanted everything out of my house, all my shower gifts, her swing, clothes, her baby book...everything. When I came home it was like I was never pregnant. My house was eerie.
Today my Mom brought me Cara's baby book, where I filled out everything up to my baby shower which was a week before I admitted myself to the hospital. Today I will finish filling in the rest of Cara's book for her. I thought I would share with you all the note that I wrote to her. It's the first note I wrote on paper for her.
Dear Cara,
Although you came far too soon and mommy was too sick to hold you safely, I still love you more than words can express. If you could only have seen how much you were loved the day you were born...but I know you felt it from heaven. You were created out of love and will always be with Daddy and I safely in our hearts. Not one single day will go by without a thought of your sweet tiny face filling our minds. I know that whenever I think of you I see the picture that is on my blog. Thats how I want to remind you. In a sweet dress with a pink Hat...peaceful. You are now with Mommy in everything I do, and everything I do is for you and in your memory. You truly were an Angel and I have never seen a more perfect little girl. You truly were too beautiful for earth. Charlie who was going to be your dog here on earth to watch over you was taken from Mommy as well, but Mommy believes that he is in heaven now to watch over you since God knows your up there alone. Im so sorry my body failed you. I love you forever and as long as Im living my baby youll be.
Love
Mommy
It hurts to fill out the rest of this book. They asked what color her eyes were. They were never opened, however I could have sworn they were at one point and they were steal Grey (I honestly thing it was just a hallucination because of how sick I was, because my husband said her eyes were never open)
I just took out her bag of "things" her baby blanket she was wrapped in still smells like her. There is even still blood on it. I will never wash it.
Ok so question...does anyone know why stillborn babies lips are blood red?
Why do their noses bleed? Caras nose bled after birth?
Those are just a few of my unanswered questions.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
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6 comments:
You've got me on the red lips! Kherrington's were crimson red! I've done some "googling" and I read somewhere that it had something to do with oxygen depletion..but I don't know if that came from a reputable source :s
Sounds like a wonderful book. I have a scrap book given to me by our neighbour (made by her)...and we have a baby book given to us by the hospital. It has her hand and foot prints in it, but other than that, I haven't been able to bring myself to open it. Someday I know I'll be able to. Your letter was lovely, and made me cry. So much love for the littlest angels!
What a beautiful note to Cara. Filling out the baby books is really hard because it is not meant for a sad ending. It just reminds you again and again that there will never be new things to add to it. I still haven't finished Sami's. The few things I had for her, I donated. It was really difficult to see them there everyday. I didn't have much for that reason. I wouldn't let myself buy her things. I know for you it was totally different, I am so sorry. I breaks my heart that Cara is not in your arms today.
I wish I could answer those questions for you but I can't. I am sure someone else will answer them for you. ((HUGS))
That's a beautiful note to Cara! I filled out a part of my baby book after Alexandra was born and I then I stopped because it seemed too sad. As far as the red lips, I think it does have something to do with lack of oxygen, but I'm not sure why their noses bleed. I've heard that happens often, but I don't know why. Hugs to you!!!!
What a beautiful note. We have a blanket that has some of Lilly's blood on it that we will never wash either. I don't think you were hallucinating. I had the same experience with Lilly, she opened her eyes a couple times but once she opened them REAL WIDE and looked right into my eyes. So I believe that you did see your Cara's eyes.
love and prayers
elena
When my daughter was stillborn her lips were not red. Her whole face was, from about her neck up she was red. My OB told me it was because all the blood rushed to her head. Of course baby was head down and the contractions pushed everything down... so basically my OB explained it as a bruise. I never saw any blood though. Though I imagine if it does happen its probably for the same reason, those contraction are tough on such little bodies.
I have heard that their lips are red because of all the blood that settles in them.
I googled it and i found this 'Because they have been in a warm body for a long enough time after there death and oxygen has still been forced into there body.'
the letter to cara was beautiful. I wish that i had gotten a baby booik so that i could have written everything abiut my pregnancy in it because now i am starting to forget it all.
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