3 posts in one day...wow! So im posting just because I want to tell myself im proud of me. Im proud of how far I have came. From Nov17-Dec 19 those days were filled with nothing...or filled with "do I have a blood clot?...What if I have a stroke?...My heart rate is so high...what if I have a heart attack?" Like I have said before the first month was not filled with me grieving for Cara. They were filled with fear of my own life. After being sent home sick and readmitted even sicker...its scary shit! Sitting in an ER for 3 hours while doctors failed to get my BP to go down...followed by myself being re-admitted and walking into my room filles with seizure pads "just incase" and a doctor and 2 nurses...ahhh! Most my days I sat on the couch taking my blood pressure every hour. Mind RACING, tears flowing. I could not even look at the Preeclampsia Forums or I would get major anxiety. Anxiety in such a way that I would pace back and forth. Even thinking about it drives me mad!
BUT I am proud of myself. I now probably spend wayyyy to much time online WAY to much. That is what helps me. Plus I am trying to help others. I volunteer for the PE forums, will be reading a poem I wrote at the promise walk for Preeclampsia. I have met seriously over 50 women who have all lost children or had a preeclamptic pregnancy. I reach out to whom ever I can. Because I care and because I am trying to help. I am trying to share my story and Cara's story with the world and I am damn proud of it.
Dont get me wrong I can never be healed from any of this and I will forever carry a pain with me and emotionally never be the same but I am making something out of this! In my daughters memory. Im proud of me!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
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8 comments:
...and you have every right to be so very proud of yourself. What we have been through and what we will continue to go through makes us incredible mommies. I know our precious babies are looking down on us thinking the same thing.
*hugs*
I am proud of you too and i am positive that Cara would be even prouder of you. Xxx
You should be proud & I agree that Cara would be very proud as well...you are helping to open so many people's eyes. Like I have mentioned in my other postings....I strongly believe this has been a good tool for you to get your story out, help others, and especially help yourself to continue to move forward!!
I'm proud of you too!! I remember those early days and being afraid to fall asleep and not wake up!! (at the time, they thought I had blood clots). So scary. You should be proud of yourself, you've come far and are doing an amazing job for yourself, Cara and everyone else! :)
You are doing a great job! I am so grateful for this BL community. Thanks for all you are doing!!!
I am very proud of you too!
I am so very proud of you & I KNOW Cara is too. You are doing so much, in time, I want to do the same too. By you reaching out to so many others, it means so much. To me as well too! You are wonderful Laura! btw, I really just LOVE your blog. Beautiful! =)
You are helping more people than you know Laura!
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