So many things are so ironic like my middle name which is my mothers maiden name Angel. I always knew that if I had a little girl she would be given the same middle name, and she was. I wanted to start a tradition, but I really believe that Angel was reserved for Cara and Cara only. The tradition was started with me and died with her. Only Cara has a reason for that name. If I have another little girl she will have a different middle name. When I was 16 years old I got the name Angel tattoo'd on my back, now I truly know there was a reason for that.
I purchased a charm bracelet. It was a lot of money (it's real white gold) I have attached a heart engraved with her name and birthdate, a angel, and am currently deciding on weather or not to add a teddy bear (like the one she was burried with) or footprints. I never take that bracelet off, and I am very attached to it, so quickly.
I wanted to get something off my chest as well. I know that sometimes when I talk about what happened to me and my daughter, its too hard for people. I have had people say to me "the world stillborn can put someone off or upset them" or "no dont put her picture up, it could upset people or be too hard for them" UM HELLO! How do you think I feel? I do not want her to ever be forgotten, and I would put her pictures all over my station at work if I could! The word stillborn is a tough word however its LIFE. It is what happened to me, its my life! People need to know that this is what happened and now I have to live with this pain for the rest of my life. So yes I understand it may be hard for people to hear her story or see her picture, but to me its the story of my daughters short time on this earth and her story needs to be shared. If its too hard dont listen, if its too hard, dont look, if its too hard...thats life. Life is hard, it is important for people to know that this can happen, it can happen to you...to your daughter, to your friend. Never in ten million years did I ever think I would be the mother of an angel baby. Never in a million years did I think that this would happen to me...that I would have to tell this story or that I would be "that person"...but it did. I AM the mother of an angel baby! This DID happen to me! I DO tell this story, and its unfortunate but I AM that person. I AM!
4 comments:
I like your outlook about Cara's existence. I feel the same about Gracie - I figure that I have two choices. I can be bitter and depressed about it forever, or I can accept it for what it is and I can find a way to make something good come from it. I have chosen the latter. Take comfort wherever you can find it!!
As far as other people go, it's so hard to find a happy medium. I have gotten to the point that I don't care anymore if others are uncomfortable with just the mere mention of Gracie or what happened to her. If I know that someone is easily made uncomfortable when I talk about her, I will not go into the details or go nuts, but it is part of life. Like it or not. I am not going to pretend that it didn't happen. If others would rather pretend, they can do that on their own time. I had an interesting conversation with a lady that I have only met a handful of times.... if you want to read about it, it is here...
http://jeffsusangracie.blogspot.com/2009/11/13-becoming-leper.html
Thanks Susan :)
Don't worry Laura - to them I say, "tough cookies - deal, or don't ask about it!"
I wrote a very angry post on my own blog last week about a very similar subject - how no-one wants to hear the word "stillborn" or even think about the fact that babies die.
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