Moving on, is a simple thing, what it leaves behind is hard...

I think I have finally come to terms with
*The fact that I lost my daughter.
*The fact that I lost her when I was so far along.
*The fact that I am forever "that person who lost their child"
*The fact I will never see her again or hold her again
*The fact I could do nothing to save her
*The fact that yes I was very sick, yes I was asked if I had a living will, but yes I am still here

I am accepting all these things finally and trying to move on. Tomorrow will mark 3 months since we lost Cara. I think about her daily and still is hard for me to comprehend that not a single day in my life will go by that I will not think of losing my daughter. (If thats not haunting I dont know what is)

I am going to start to focus on me for a bit. Going out with my girlfriends and my husband and just being "normal" again...whatever normal is.

Some of you may know this but not even two weeks after the loss of Cara, my little dog Charlie suddenlt became paralyzed (later to find out that had slipped a disk in his back) It was a hard decision, but the decision has to be made within an hour in hopes that surgery would help him walk again. 5,000$ later and many tears, 6 weeks of bed rest and me literally being there to move his legs for him, help him to the bathroom, and feed him medication...he is doing very well. He still has his issues and will mostlikely never be 100% again but I am so glad I went through with his surgery.

Now I tell you this because I saw him being sick as a way to help me through this...I had 6 weeks off work (doctors orders) and I actually had to focus on Charlie and care for him basically like an infant, I helped him and he helped me. Now most of you that know me know my love for animals is something that is overwhelming and unexplainable. I worry about Charlie everyday. Now even more so because he IS my child as of now (Well so is Gia our Pit) but Charlie has a special place in my healing and I have a special place in his healing. I simply can't imagine my life without my Charlie in it. He is 4 years old and hopefully will have many years to come.

Anyway back on track...I am so glad that I surround myself with positive people, people that love me and people that I can love back. I know that every one has their problems, and no ones problems are "worse" than someone elses, however I just tend to have less sympathy towards those who complain constantly about their life when they can control it. I could not control the fact my daughter passed and could not control the fact that I was so sick so quick...try that out for problems. I guess by just listening to others that have problems I can still do but I am done trying to fix people or things, everyone has to make their own choices in life. I will be surrounding myself with positive people and positive choices as well as positive thoughts for the month of May and June!