Ok so seriously...someone needs to clear this up for me. I have had a few doctors say to me when reviewing my charts "So you had a late term miscarriage...?" WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Uh no. CLEARLY I DID NOT! My baby was born, like epidural pushing, placenta being pulled out of me, bleeding & tearing down there style!!!!!!
NOT THAT A MC IS ANY EASIER and belive me I KNOW that its still a baby. Its just that my baby COULD have lived...typically with MC babies are far too premature to live. I was almost 31 weeks! I know babies born and made it at 31 weeks, so dont compare me to a MC.
Im sorry if I am being harsh in this post, but me almost dying and being able to hold a dead baby with finger nails, eyelashes, eyebrows, and not to mention having to have a baby baptized and have a funeral I think is a while different ballgame than a MC.
I know a few people that I personally know also "think" I had a MC....ok really. Do I not post enough pictures of Cara or what? I want people to know its different than a MC. I was in labor, I needed pitocin, all the nine yards! It frustrates me! Also makes me sad because then they dont know that my daughter "could" have lived...if this disease was caught...BUT that is a whole different story that someday I will possibly be able to tell. It is because of PREECLAMPSIA that my daughter is not here. My daughter was 2 lbs 11oz 16 in. A lot of full term babies are 17 inches...so you do the math there.
Again I am not comparing a MC to this. I can imagine how hard a MC must be. Promises and hope all thrown out the window. BUT PLEASE please DO NOT say that to me! I am still so confused as to why a doctor would think its a MC?
GRRRRR
Sunday, April 25, 2010
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11 comments:
Oh sweetie. That is so beyond frustrating. And, everyone thinks that my Cora was sick and we knew about it. No one ever really gets it. I'm so sorry that people aren't honoring your daughter's life. That's what it's about. Good for you for posting about it. Much love sweetheart. xoxo
I would ask the doctor why he referred to your loss as a MC? I am curious as to why in your case they would say that?? MC are VERY hard to deal with as well, but I couldn't even imagine having to go through contractions, pushing, tearing, and all the other pain to in the end not have a happy healthy baby!!!
Our daughter was 31 weeks & the one or two times someone called it a miscarriage I was infuriated. Now I "matter of factly" correct them & make sure they understand. One of my biggest reasons for starting my blog was so the people we knew could fully understand what happend & they would know how precious our daughter was. Just know that each time we tell our story we are spreading more awareness & understanding.
I completely get every word of this post. I did not have to cope with pre-eclampsia, so I have no comparison there. In the end, it was confirmed that Gracie had IUGR due to placental insufficiency - something that very probably should have been caught. (Instead, one of our midwives told us one week before she died that 'we don't all grow 10 lb babies - let's see where she is next week.') I have a very difficult time when people call her loss a miscarriage, or even when they compare my loss to a miscarriage at 6 or 8 weeks. I understand that a loss is a loss, but again, our babies were certainly gestationally old enough to live. Again, something that people just don't get unless they walk this awful road. Hugs to you...
Oh yes, while a loss is a loss, a miscarriage is very different and not the same! I get frustrated when I hear that as well. I had a doctor mention 'miscarriage' and I wanted to scream! Very different things indeed. XO
Even though I am not a physician. I agree with you. I don't think that it should be labeled as a miscarriage. I also agree that a miscarriage is equally as difficult and that a baby is a baby from conception. But I don't consider what you went through with delivering Cara to be determined a miscarriage. I am glad that you are getting your story out there to help bring light and educate others.
love and prayers
elena
I am SOOOOO on the same boat as you. I have have had family members and friends refer to my loss as a mc... NO, it was a stillbirth. I answer the same way every time:
"while Im sure a mc is painful in its own way, my loss was not a mc. my daughter was stillborn." I have had family members still fight me on the above statement saying well I too lost a daughter... I was 8 weeks. Well how on earth do you know it was a daughter? or a son? Yea you may have a hunch but you dont KNOW. I KNEW! I had to hold the cold dead body of my daughter in my arms. I saw her perfectly formed fingers and toes with nails and her black hair and she looked just like me..... do you do that with your baby? NO.
It just gets me, Im sorry if my words seem harsh but thats how I feel.
I got a sympathy card in the mail from an old friend's parents. They wrote sorry about your miscarriage. I wrote them back to thank them for the card that explained that I had a preemie infant loss. I tried to write it as nicely as possible, but I too was sooo mad that they wrote that.
My birth was called an abortion. It was awful seeing that come into my mailbox as hospital bill. I was inducted. My babies died. They were perfectly healthy and lived. I did not want to abort my pregnancy. Ugh
*hugs* my friend
AMEN!!! Nothing pisses me off more, than people comparing my situation (a still born baby at 36 weeks gestation...who was fine one minute, dead the next!) to a MC. I know many other women who have had a MC, and it is NOT the same. I don't wish this on anyone! Good for you for posting this, and honouring your daughter's life.
You know what I don't consider my loss a MC and I lost him around 22 weeks. He was a baby and so was you sweet little girl. I hate when doctors are so insensitive. The day I found out Juanito had passed I called him a fetus because I was reverting back and using my medical lingo and my doctor corrected me and said he is a baby! I loved that he was so sensitive to me.
BIG HUGS!!!
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