He had a disk disease, that we had surgery on 3 months ago. He got better, but then it was his neck. Today when I came home from work he was crying in pain and could barely move. I knew that was it he had enough. We made a decision that we would not do anymore surgeries and Charlie would go off to heaven. The way I look at this is Cara needed a playmate. There is no one up in heaven from my family with her and I think she was lonely.
When Charlie had his surgery the first time not even 2 weeks after I lost my daughter I knew it was to help me pull through. I had to focus 100% of my time on Charlie for 6 weeks. He knew he could not leave me that soon after Cara did...so he held on for me. He took my mind off a lot of negative things and made me think positive for him! Now hes gone. Just as I was taking 2 steps forward I feel like I was dragged 10 steps back.
When we got to the Vet (me, Kyle, Mom, Dad and Brother)we all said our goodbyes and gave him as much peanut butter as his little heart desired. I held him in my arms as he slipped away. It was very very quick. I also held him when they told me there was no longer a heart beat. I held his limp body like a baby wrapped up in a blanket (along with having flash backs of holding my dead daughter...to be honest I never want to hold anything dead again) and told him how sorry I was. I kept saying his name and saying what if he is in pain right now...what if he is not dead. But he was. He is.
I cant BELIEVE he is gone...really I cant at all. I dont know what to do. Seriously I dont know how to act or go on? My life keeps turning upside down. My tears wont stop and my pain is stronger than ever right now. For those of you who knew Charles, Cheese, Weiner, Weiner Man, Handome...you knew he was my son. He was not just a dog...there is no such thing as just a dog. I want him back, I want to undo what I just did, I want to hold him again and tell him its ok and that I love him. Im so mad right now at the world. At everything. I really thought I was doing better...getting better all that...now im not. Cara was taken from me and now Charlie was taken from me. I still have Gia but she and I DO NOT share that bond. She looks for him...she knows something is wrong. She misses him. I want another dog. I want a dog that I can grow a bond with again, and spoil to death, I was robbed of that with my daughter and now robbed again with my Charlie.
We are going to get his ashes and spread them on Caras grave so they can be together. We chose to have him creamated by himself, no other dogs. I want to know thats my handsome little guy.
I am so crushed right now. I feel like I am reliving November all over again. I can only think that Cara was tired of being alone and needed some comforting. Charlie is Cara size and would be perfect for her. Cara has her own puppy dog in heaven now. After all All dogs do go to heaven.
10 comments:
I'm so heartbroken for you. The nurses just asked me why I was crying :/ He was your little man and not "just" a dog. He helped you pull through after Cara died - just like my Grant did for me.
I am so sorry you had to say goodbye. I just wanted to tell you there was no choice- you didn't choose for him to have disk disease. You didn't choose for it to progress despite surgery and when he was in pain today - there was no choice. You did what was in the best interest of Charlie.
So sorry :(
Oh Laura, I am so, so sorry for you!!! We very unexpectedly lost one of our dogs 6 weeks before we lost Gracie. Before we left the hospital when Gracie was born I said to my husband 'This is why Bailey died - she was getting ready for Gracie.' So many people question the connections that others have with their pets, but the connections are so real...and so full of love. Wishing you, Kyle and Gia some peace in the next few weeks. Big hugs...
I am So sorry that this happened. I can even imagine what you are going through right now. Im sure Cara is already having so much fun with him. ((HUGS))
Cara, my heart is breaking for you. Our animals become such a part of our lives that they become our children. I am so sorry and sending lots *hugs* your way. :)
I am so sorry, I have no idea what i would do if i lost my puppy Roxy so shortly after losing my daughter. I cried reading this post. I am so sorry you had to go through this. I know what you mean when you say there is no such thing as just a dog. My Rox got me through and is getting me through my hard days and she's my baby.
Everything you said about Charlie, I said with Deacon. I couldn't believe he was gone, I wanted to undo what we did. One night after we got back from Italy, I came home to an empty house because Rick was at work and I just started crying harder than I had cried since it happened. I kept saying his name over and over and "I want him back!" I called my mom and she just listened and calmed me down. Then I got an e-mail from my sister-n-law the next day. She felt it was important for me to hear what my niece Abby thinks about pets in heaven. Straight from an almost 4-year-old. I've been better ever since. It made me laugh:)
"Deacon is up in heaven playing with Cleo and Nemo, and I bet he chases them sometimes and Cleo hisses at him. And animals in heaven get to play all day long and don't have to go inside the house if they don't want to and they get lots of treats."
Here's an odd story that will make you think. So, my niece Abby is called our miracle baby because it took a LONG time and hard work for my sister-n-law to get pregnant. Before she was born, their cat, Nemo, died. My mom was talking about Nemo to Abby and she said "I know Nemo, I met him in heaven before I was born."!! What?! She's not even 4 yet and nobody had talked to her about that stuff.
I have no doubt that Cara and Charlie are together, after hearing that.
So sorry to hear about your sweet Charlie. Sending you a big ((hug)).
Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. I like the thought of Cara and Charlie being together in heaven. xo
I am sorry :( all dogs do go to heaven! Cara will take good care of him. (((((HUGS)))))
Thank you so much everyone!
Charlie is blessed to have all you ladies thinking of him
Post a Comment