Words from others

Here are some emails from other women, or kind words that I appreciate every day! I keep these emails and read them when I am sad, so i thought I would share with all! (Names withheld for privacy!)

Hi Laura,

You don't know me, but I found your blog while reading the Preeclampsia Forum last week. I sobbed uncontrollably when I read Cara's story. I can't even begin to comprehend the pain you're suffering. It is beyond words. Please accept my deepest, heartfelt condolences for your loss. No mother should ever go through what you've gone through. I am very impressed by your diligence in researching preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome and finding the appropriate doctors to guide you in your pursuit to TTC again. I also admire your desire to help other women by making them aware of the dangers of preeclampsia. It is a silent killer.

I also suffered from severe preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome with my first (and only) pregnancy. Starting in month four, my feet and ankles became extremely swollen. My doctor dismissed it as a normal pregnancy issue. Shortly after that, my hands became swollen to the point where my right hand was almost completely numb. I was told this was carpal tunnel and again, a normal pregnancy problem. Then I started having rib pains and back pains. When I told my doctor about the rib pains, he dismissed them as "my organs moving to make room for the baby." I assumed the back pain was also a normal pregnancy issue, so I visited my chiropractor - however I was confused when his adjustments didn't help. (Turns out it was kidney pain.) It wasn't until my blood pressure started rising that my doctor became concerned. He took my b.p. on a Friday and it was slightly high. He told me to relax over the weekend and come back on Monday. When I came back on Monday, my b.p. had increased again. That's when he took blood, and told me to return the next day for an ultrasound. In the ultrasound, he found that my baby was extremely small for his gestational age. He also received my bloodwork results from the lab and found that my liver enzymes were elevated. He sent me directly to the hospital. I was 29-1/2 weeks.

They ran bloodwork again at the hospital and found my platelet level was extremely low. They woke me up at 4AM and told me I had HELLP syndrome and had to deliver my baby as soon as possible. They sent a team of nurses into my room and started wrapping up my bedrails with blankets. It was the most terrifying night of my life! They started me on magnesium. I remember asking one of the nurses to stay with me because I was so frightened. (I had sent my husband home for the night.) I was shaking uncontrollably. She told me I was very sick and needed to calm down. I was praying that my husband would make it to the hospital before I died. I had never come so close to death in my life. I was not ready to go!

I gave birth to our baby boy via emergency C-section at 9:49AM that morning, June 10th, 2009. He spent nearly 7 weeks in the NICU. Today he's nearly 9 months old and a healthy, active baby boy.

I want to let you know that your story has had a tremendous affect on my life. I told my husband about you and your loss and we held our baby **** and cried together. I don't know why you lost Cara and we didn't lose Evan. It is so unfair. Life doesn't make sense. But I want to let you know that I will always keep Cara's story in my heart. I will never take our baby boy for granted. I will be the best mother I can be, in honor of your loss.

I want to let you know that I'm not a crazy person! :) I never follow blogs and send strangers emails, but I felt driven to do so in this case. Please continue to speak out about preeclampsia. I will too! It is important!

I pray that God will bless you with another child and provide you with a healthy nine-month pregnancy! You sound like an amazing mother! I will continue to follow your blog.

Best wishes for your future!
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Hi Laura.

My heart breaks for you and your loss. I had no clue what PE was till I had it with my first (36 weeks), and I was afraid I might get it again and I did. There are times I think about having another baby, but I cannot go through that again. We were so incredibly blessed. ***** (my first - she will be four in April) came home with me two days later. She was small, but tough. ***** My second - will be one on the 9th of March) was in the special care at ****** for 11 long days. She was a tough girl though - only needed to grow and stay warm - never needed oxygen or anything like that....

I want so badly to help raise the awareness of this terrible disease. People don't understand. Some of my family members cannot understand why we won't have any more kids - they just don't get it - even after everything I went through.... For ****** first birthday party I asked our guests so please make donations to the Preeclampsia Foundation and many of them were like, "really?!?!". I want to help spread the news about it.
I would love to get together with you - but I understand if you would rather not. I can't imagine what you had to go through - and I know it must be hard to see someone with two healthy girls. My eyes are welling up with tears. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I just want to go hug my girls right now...

Well, let me know if you want to get together or we can chat through email. I would love to hear more about your story

I look forward to talking to you soon.
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Hi,

I just read a few of your blogging entrys on your website. Some of what you wrote I feel the same way. Like about how me telling my story over & over again. I feel like people think ok that's enough already. Not a day goes by that I don't mention something about my daughter and or a thing that I remember her by. A store or something that I went into when I was pregnant or whatever the case may be I always find that I remmeber her in someway. I also see a lot of butterflies more so than I ever did and I like to think that's ***** around me. One day I came home from
somewhere and this butterfly was out near the car door and I walked up to the front door of my house and I swear the butterfly just was on my front door as ever so still but flapped its wings a few times and I couldn't help but go in and cry. It just said something to me. But I read a lot of your posts and things like that. My heart goes out to you & you
r husband & family. I can't imagine having to wait so long til May, but if you have to its possibly for the best. I hope you can try again in March, God Bless you. You're a beautiful bride by the way!
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Believe me when I say this, that grief is not some... Believe me when I say this, that grief is not something you can attach a timeline to, especially when it comes to grieving the death of your child. I think six months is unreasonable for anyone to expect you to be "over it" and getting back to normal. Your life will never be normal again. You are and will forever be the mother of a dead baby. She will never grow up and you will spend the rest of your life wondering what she would look like, act like, be doing at a certain age. It's a heartbreaking journey, one I don't think you will ever heal from completely. Your circumstances were so traumatic and life threatening that not only will you need time to focus on healing your body, but it will also take a good deal of time and energy to heal your soul. Cara is beautiful. By keeping a blog and connecting with some of us mothers who have also lost our children, she won't be forgotten, I guarantee it. I can't think of any mama I've met through this community without also thinking of her precious child. Sending you hugs and wishes for gentle days...
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Hi Laura, and Kyle. I don't really know what i am going to write, so if it comes out all incoherent and blurry, forgive me :)

Cara touched me, your story touched me, and i could not walk away from my computer and do my daily things without sending a message. I checked the blog, saw the beautiful video you made about Cara's story, Cara's life. I also read your blogs, and yea, shed a tear here and there, couldn't help it.
I too am the mom of an angel, **** also died in November, 2006 so its been longer ago.

I know this may not be what you want to hear, or completely true, but the sharing and the blog, i think it is amazing and strong. Cara is a beautiful baby girl, and the love shines from the blog and the pictures. Not just the love for your baby girl, but your love for each other, and your love for life. That is a precious thing to share with the world, so thank you for doing that. Hold on to that, even when it hurts.

I didn't learn to love life till i met my angel, his birth changed my life dramatically in more ways then one, but it did take me to where i am now, instead of seeing the world as a place that only brings dark things to my life, I see the world as a place that brought an angel to touch me so deeply I see light where i never saw it, feel love where i didn't allow that to touch me before, trust the path that i have to travel in a way i never dared before.

But sometimes, its easy to go down the dark lane and tears are close then smiles, those are the times I look around me and see other peoples stories, sometimes to make myself cry, because i am good in bottling up emotions and i need to let it out at times. So i went to your blog to cry, instead now i am crying and smiling at the same time, because your blog pointed me back to the road i wandered off from for a minute. You reminded me of how proud i am to have an angel in my life.

Thank you again, for sharing your story, I don't know you or how you heal, so i wont make a whole speech about that, it looks to me like you have found your path, and from what i have seen and read, you are very strong. There may be times where you cant be as strong or where you stray of the path you are traveling, If that ever happens, feel free to message me, ill be happy to try to help.

And.. don't let go of each other, the love i see on the pictures between you two shines so bright it is amazing to see, hold on to that.

Thank you for sharing your story, for touching me, and for making me see it's a nice spring morning i should be using to smile, walk out and see the nature blossom.
You and your Cara helped me to see that.

Lots of love, good thoughts and hugs are sent from Denmark to you,
*****