Random

This post is going to be random and all over the place...Hey guess what!? Im still happy over here!! Still in a positive mood! Still truckin! I had a bit of anxiety last night, I just redirected my thoughts. I take my blood pressure daily. Never have before in my life but again I believe I do this due to my PTSD. When I have anxiety it goes up and I get even more anxiety. Last night it went up...then I re focused my thoughts and down it went again :)

Its like I need to re-train my brian. My brain still thinks that something may happen to me still. I need to realize the worst is over, its just all the emotional mombo jumbo. I do not take ambien every night...maybe one night a week? I do still take my zoloft, and my xanex as needed and I will say that I take my xanex every night before I go to bed to shut off my mind...I am going to try to take myself off it.  My dose is .25 and I only take half a pill. So who REALLY knows if it does anything at all? Probably not...its all probably in my head. I have always had problems sleeping on and off, so im scared if I dont take something to help me still my night wil be filled with nightmare-ish thoughts? I wonder if you can take xanex while pregnant? (I need to ask doc about that...)

Ok so next week I go to get my Cholesterol tested since they upped my meds to 80 mg. I also am going to be rested for my Vit D deficiency...hopefully it goes back up. Mine was at 22 I believe they would like to see it at 30.

On another note I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. April 25 I have the walk for March of Dimes, we have raised 505$!!! So we hit our limit, so all I need to do for that is make tee shirts. TEAM CARA wooo hooo! (Well I wish I never ever ever had to walk for this or be excited about a shirt with my deceased daughters name on it...) Im walking for March of Dimes because before I gacve birth to Cara at almost 31 weeks, I never even knew how many babies are born sooo early. Never knew how many did not make it, never knew how many are stillborn, never knew how many had so many problems...so thats why I walk...for my daughter who was stillborn and for all other babies that NO ONE seems to talk about.

Then after March of Dimes I go straight to the Promise walk for Preeclampsia (Thats the big one for me) My salon is a local spondser! YAY Ginger Root. I also was asked to read a poem I wrote at the opening ceremony with all the preeclampsia survivor children on stage with me and afterwards there will be a balloon release for all the angel babies gone too soon. So you know Im very excited about that, but getting overwhelmed, I am trying to help out as much as possible, emails, conference calls, but I just keep telling myself its all 100% worth it.

Quick update on my Gram H. She is still in the hospital, still not breathing on her own. Infection in lungs and gallblatter...pnemounia (however you spell that tricky one) she also had a tracheodomy (where they put a tube in your throat to help you breathe) done on monday. She is a fighter, so still keep her in your prayers. God knows she is in mine!

Sunday I laid Charlie to rest. It wa sad and I miss him. When Kyle picked up his ashes last week I just held them and cried, I still can't believe he is gone. It all happened to fast! I miss him so much. Arthur is keeping me company and is getting along with Gia...hes such a ham!

A random thought...Just so everyone knows...Im sure I dont have 100% good spelling or grammar, but I dont care...(kind of like the post I posted earlier) I write to survive, not to wonder if supercalafragilistic is spelt right...or to wonder if spelt is even a word...It is in my book, so is funnier :) I always thought that one should be a word!

Ok sooo last thing...I get a lot of emails and comments telling me I am an inspiration, although I may not always respond back (alot of the times I check my blog at work...im naughty) but I just want to let everyone know that I never in a million years thought people I did not even know would care about "my world" so much! Everything you all say means so much. I even hear that friends of mine's friends read my blog...thats awesome too. I have met people through here that do not even live in the US that read my blog. SOOO cool :)

Ok im done :)