So Im starting to notice that my goo days outweigh my bad days. My bad days have turned into bad moments. I dont get spikes in my blood pressure from my anxiety and honestly I dont have much anxiety anymore. I have learned that when I do start getting anxiety I stop what im doing and redirect myself somewhere else.
I have also noticed that in the beginning 3 months were the hardest for me. I could not even FATHOM being pregnant again and every time I would think about it I would start getting anxiety again. (P.S. did I mention I hate the word ANXIETY because people use it that REALLY dont know what it truly means...plus mine is more PTSD) Now I can imagine myself pregnant again and I am not taking my blood pressure 1787 times a day. Now its more like 3 which is normal for me (Hey I DID have stroke range pressures so thats a LITTLE nervewrecking) I feel like being pregnant again is in my grasp. I know what to look for now. I know what signs and symptoms are. I know that I most likely will be on bed rest around week 30. I know I will need to cut back my hours at work. BUT its all temporary.
For the first time I felt that I did not NEED to go to my share group. I did however feel that the death of Charlie (my chihuahua) put me a few steps back...its now like Im moving right along. Unfortunately thats life and this is my life.
I am learning that stressing out will not fix anything and will not help me in the long run. Now im not sure if im feeling "better" because its starting to be spring again...who knows all I know is that the people that said "It gets better" I hate to admit it but they are right. Well in a way...it does not get better it just gets less painful.
I just need to move forward. Like I said above I have my moments trust me I do. Most people dont even know I have them. (Like I cried at work on saturday to myself...no one knew and all was good...did I mention I HATE crying in front of people I feel weird...weak...defeated)
So cheers to May still. I believe im on for May...my urine has to come back with no protein and my thyroid and Vitamin D levels need to be back in line. So im hoping for the best.
Yay a cheery post from the momma! :)
- *Laura Angel
- Illinois, United States
- I'm a mother to a beautiful angel in heaven, as well as our Earth baby Carter. My life has been filled with nothing but happiness and laughter, however I also know ultimate sadness. I continue to try to live my life to the fullest, and enjoy making people laugh along the way. You never know when your life will change forever. Mine changed November 16, 2009, when we learned our daughters heart was no longer beating. Cara was born November 17th 2009. She was 2 lbs 11oz 16 in. Preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome took her from us. I now strive to help promote Preeclampsia and HELLP Syndrome awareness. I also strive to help others who have lost a child. Its something no one can prepare you for, Its something that will forever be with you. We are happy to announce that our son Carter Allen was born March 5 2011 at 36 weeks 4 days weighing 7lbs 7oz. Carter brings such happiness and hope to our lives.
- TTC- Try to conceive
- L&D- Labor & Delivery
- BP- Blood Pressure
- Rainbow- a baby after a loss
- MFM- Maternal Fetal Medicine
- PE- Preeclampsia
- BLM- Baby Loss Mommy
4 comments:
I am very glad to hear that you are feeling as best as you can at the moment. In life you have to take one step at a time, and I think you have done a great job of doing what you have needed to do to get to where you are right now. I really hope that you can TTC in May!!! You have really done your homework and gotten very familiarized w/ what health issues you have and may encounter again in this following pregnancy so you are much better prepared!!! Thanks for sharing all of your thoughts & feelings!!! I think this blog or blogging period is a wonderful way to help through the healing process!!! XxOo
The moment of realizing that the good days are outweighing the bad days is a fantastic one, although it can be bitter-sweet. Wishing you many more good days!!
Glad that things are looking up for you! They do get easier, the pain is still there, but you will be able to manage it much better. Not to rein on your parade, but 4,6, and 8 were hard months for me. You will have your ups and downs though, I am glad that the ups are more than the downs. ((hugs))
It is a great feeling when you start to realize the good days outweigh the bad. We all still have our moments, but when we can see the sun shining and realize its shining...its a good day *hugs*.
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