As I sit here and watch my tummy grow, I get filled with excitement that I may have a take home baby. I also get filled with fear. There are three girls I have grown close with in the Preeclampsia community.
One lost her first daughter at 27 weeks due to Preeclampsia, has Factor V the same thing I do. Got pregnant again and had her son Kooper at 28 weeks who I am happy to say is doing well! Still in the NICU but doing well! Bless his little heart. I follow his story very closely because every milestone he makes, would have been the ones Cara would have made.
The other woman lost her son at 26 weeks to Preeclampsia, he lived three days. No known underlying disorders. She is currently pregnant again and is almost 25 weeks and is showing some Preeclampsia signs. (High BP and headaches) I pray for her that she makes it to a healthy gestational age for her sweet baby boy.
The last is someone who I grew very close with. We talk daily (Throught Text of course) She lost her sweet daughter due to Preeclampsia at 28 weeks. She has been in and out of the hospital since 25 weeks and is now there to stay at 34 weeks. I am hoping for a very healthy baby for her as well.
All this makes me so nervous. Two out of the three women have NO underlying conditions. I do. Its just a crap shoot. No one will know when and if Preeclampsia will strike and the little things like a high blood pressure reading, or a headache will send me into panic mode. This is all becoming so real to me.
I feel like my doctors and I are doing everything we can. Appointments every three weeks, soon to be two. Ultrasounds, growth scans, NST, BPP, I check my BP daily. I take it easy. Try not to be stressed. I was advised to cut down on hours at work. I feel like I am doing everything I can.
Now its just the waiting game.
- *Laura Angel
- Illinois, United States
- I'm a mother to a beautiful angel in heaven, as well as our Earth baby Carter. My life has been filled with nothing but happiness and laughter, however I also know ultimate sadness. I continue to try to live my life to the fullest, and enjoy making people laugh along the way. You never know when your life will change forever. Mine changed November 16, 2009, when we learned our daughters heart was no longer beating. Cara was born November 17th 2009. She was 2 lbs 11oz 16 in. Preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome took her from us. I now strive to help promote Preeclampsia and HELLP Syndrome awareness. I also strive to help others who have lost a child. Its something no one can prepare you for, Its something that will forever be with you. We are happy to announce that our son Carter Allen was born March 5 2011 at 36 weeks 4 days weighing 7lbs 7oz. Carter brings such happiness and hope to our lives.
- TTC- Try to conceive
- L&D- Labor & Delivery
- BP- Blood Pressure
- Rainbow- a baby after a loss
- MFM- Maternal Fetal Medicine
- PE- Preeclampsia
- BLM- Baby Loss Mommy
8 comments:
For some reason I have the hardest time commenting on your blog! But I wanted you to know I do keep up with you, and am wishing you the best in this pregnancy! Pregnancy after loss isn't easy, but you just have to focus on every milestone, setting small goals for yourself. That's what is getting me through anyway.
I'm glad your doctors are taking good care of you!
While the women you are talking about in your blog have had similar issues that you had, everyone's road is different. Like you have pointed out to us on this blog several times, you have no idea what this journey is going to be like. As hard as it may be, you need to try and live one day at a time. I know it is very much easier said then done! I didn't go through what you went through, but I understand the fear & anxiety you feel. I am struggling with that myself. I tell myself everyday that I can only worry about right now. And right now I am doing the best I can do to take it easy, have no added stress or drama in my life, and do whatever to ensure that me & my baby are trying to stay healthy. There is nothing more I can do. I keep your words in my head from the last FHR meeting....whatever is going to happen is going to happen..there is nothing I (nor anyone else) can do to change what our future holds. I hope that by sharing your fears and communicating with others in similar situations as yours has helped you try and cope a little!! HUGS!!!
As another BLM on a rainbow journey too, I can tell you that it is the same for me. I am scared that they will turn to me at any appointment and tell me the baby is dead...or something else is wrong on the ultrasounds.
As Michael Buble says (in the song "I just haven't met you yet)... " one half is timing..the other half is luck"....
Just know..that you are doing everything right. You're paying attention, you're aware, you're taking it easy, and following doctor's orders. The scariest thing that I am coming to realize is that there is truly very little we can do (other than taking care of ourselves), after the child is conceived. We are just along for the ride...and it is a joyful, terrifying, happy, sad, and bittersweet one. I'm pulling for you here! Praying that things progress smoothly, and you are able to carry your child to term...and if to term is not possible, I pray you get to a healthy gestational age. <3
It is definitely understandable that you feel as you do. I think of you often and hope for the best. It is hard to not feel this way having experienced what we have. I wish there were some wise words that I could say that would comfort you and give you peace. Just know that I am thinking of you and hoping for peace for you as I try to find some myself. *hugs*
Hey Laura
I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you. I cannot imagine what you are going through at the moment and every day of your pregnancy. I had my baby at 32 weeks with hellp but she is fine and that was scary enough when embarking on a second pregnancy.
When we got pregnant there was no way to know how it was going to end and that really did my head in. I felt that I could cope with what happened as long as I had some warning. But that is not how it works I suppose. Like you say every little thing get you worried that it could be more.
Going though a high risk pregnancy is REALLY REALLY hard. It is the hardest thing that I have been through as it does go on for such a long time. Fingers crossed that it goes very smoothly for you.
Right there with you Laura. I am so happy we have each other to pull from. I wish I had some wise words to share with you to ease your worries but like I said..I'm here with you travelling this scary road. I am still trying to find ways to cope with the stress & worry. Wishing you an uneventful & healthy pregnancy.
I so so continue to hope that you get to keep this baby. I just hate the unknown of subsequent pregnancies after the loss of a child. We need a damn easy button =(
*hugs* Wishing you all the best
Awe!! I am not sure, but I am guessing the 3rd person is me. I feel so good talking with you, you have helped me SO much, and I cant thank you enough. I am so excited for your pregnancy and I know how hard it is with everything. I cant tell you how much I freaked out and after reading certain stories or posts on the forums, freaked me out more, but like your friend Abigail has said, we are all different. And it is scary we don't know what will end up happening but we always wish & pray for the best and I do every single day for you and Ashley and Chelsea as well, and other mommies in our shoes. Just continue on your great path Laura, and I am rooting for you all the way. I can't thank you enough, and I can't wait to get pictures and when you finally have this little boy or girl, I can't wait. xoxoxo (I wish we lived closer!!)
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