Today was Cara's Memorial. It was actually very pretty and nice. I will be having a seperate post with pictures about that sometime next week. I just need to get through this week.
My anxiety is back. I have not had anxiety like this since way before I was even pregnant. Thank God for Zoloft I cant imagine what I would be like right now if I was not on it. I think I am just overly stressed lately. There seems to be too much going on. Last November was the worst November of my entire life. I just am praying that after this week this one gets better. I can't handle one more.
I will add that I am thankful that I made it 21 weeks without anxiety :)
I have a lot going on, personal stuff, house stuff and pregnancy stuff. I find myself being over emotional this past week. Maybe because I am trying to act and be ok...or maybe my anxiety is just back? When I lost Arthur I about lost it. I immediately prepared for the worst. (Thank the heavens we found him!) It seems to be what I am hardwired to do now a days. I know that sounds horrible, and I DO NOT think that way about this pregnancy or Carter. Just about other things that seem to go funky.
Last night I woke up at 1 am. I could not fall back asleep and started having a racing heart with racing thoughts about this pregnancy, about my life I ALMOST woke my husband up to take me to the hospital. Then I freaked out about the thought of being in one. Ugh...horrifying. So I popped a benedryl to put me to sleep.I need constant reassurance when I have anxiety like this.
- *Laura Angel
- Illinois, United States
- I'm a mother to a beautiful angel in heaven, as well as our Earth baby Carter. My life has been filled with nothing but happiness and laughter, however I also know ultimate sadness. I continue to try to live my life to the fullest, and enjoy making people laugh along the way. You never know when your life will change forever. Mine changed November 16, 2009, when we learned our daughters heart was no longer beating. Cara was born November 17th 2009. She was 2 lbs 11oz 16 in. Preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome took her from us. I now strive to help promote Preeclampsia and HELLP Syndrome awareness. I also strive to help others who have lost a child. Its something no one can prepare you for, Its something that will forever be with you. We are happy to announce that our son Carter Allen was born March 5 2011 at 36 weeks 4 days weighing 7lbs 7oz. Carter brings such happiness and hope to our lives.
- TTC- Try to conceive
- L&D- Labor & Delivery
- BP- Blood Pressure
- Rainbow- a baby after a loss
- MFM- Maternal Fetal Medicine
- PE- Preeclampsia
- BLM- Baby Loss Mommy
7 comments:
It was a beautiful memorial for sure! I am not a doctor, but I would think the anxiety is hitting now because the date of Cara's anniversary is right around the corner. On top of that, like you mentioned you have other "issues" causing you stress as well. That in itself is difficult when you're dealing with the day to day challenges. I am very happy that you were able to go this long w/o any anxiety! That is a plus!! Glad you will be calling the doctor in the morning, better to call and get the peace of mind babe! HUGS
I second Abigail's guess on the cause for the anxiety. Be well!
(hugs) thinking of you. I can imagine how difficult everything is right now. Hope all goes well with the doc :)
I cannot wait to see more pics of Cara's memorial! I am glad you had a nice day and I hope that the rest of the week goes as smoothly as possible for you.
I do not suffer from anxiety however since having Claire I find that I am waaaaay more anxious working up to those special dates. I find however that the mounting anxiety over the actual day is worse then how I feel on the day. I hope you feel the same.
I felt weird tightening too at about the same stage with my rainbow and it freaked me out. I was relieved to read on another BLM's blog that she was experiencing the same. She had asked her Dr about it and it is normal... everything just shifting, expanding and changing.
I wish you a peacful week and I will continue to keep you and Cara in my thoughts.
xo
I am glad her memorial was beautiful, can't wait to see the pictures.
I completely agree with Abigail's comment.
So happy that Arthur was found ((HUGS)).
Do what you have to do to get through it!
I've had a few episodes of "tightening".. they are very rare..usually when i am tired, but still alarming. The docs told me that contractions are normal within pregnancy. Just the body's way of preparing. As long as they aren't rhythmic, really painful, accompanied by bleeding, or cause the cervix to dialate or efface, then he said they are considered "normal".. whatever that is! :P
Peace to you this week!
Those moments of anxiety can definitely be overwhelming.
I am looking forward to seeing pictures of Cara's memorial, I am sure it was beautiful.
Congrats on the 21 weeks without anxiety.
I tend to suffer from anxiety off and on. And its tough not to think the worst of certain situations.
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